Kittens, today Meanie would like to address a growing concern she has in the intersecting worlds of celebrity and beauty. Butler, dear? A few more mimosas, if you please; Meanie thinks her guests are going to need them… and so, for that matter, will Meanie.
Now, then. Meanie would like to ask you a question, kittens, and that question is this: Would you get plastic surgery to copy the look of your favorite celebrity? And if so, why?
Although Meanie wouldn’t say she condones cosmetic surgery—at least when it’s undergone purely for vanity—at least in the past, celebrity lookalike plastic surgery was usually confined to one particular asset of any given star. Several years ago, for instance, the hot item to emulate was Pippa Middleton’s rather extraordinary behind. But now, fandom seems to have gone wilder than ever, and for the life of her, Meanie simply cannot understand it. Why would anyone in their right mind spend their life’s savings on cosmetic surgery just so they can pretend to be the doppleganger of someone they will probably never meet?
Let us examine the following three cases, kittens:
Ashley spent $25,000 making herself look like her half-sister, Lindsay Lohan, in an attempt to launch her own Hollywood career. Her five procedures ranged from rhinoplasty to getting fat injecting into her chin and cheeks; her goal, she said, “was to look like Lindsay in her good days, when she was around 18, 19 years old.” She now believes she’s “hotter than Lindsay”—although given how LiLo has been looking in recent years, Meanie isn’t sure this is really that much of an accomplishment.
At least this young lad chose a celebrity Meanie can understand wanting to look like. Women love Ryan Gosling; men want to be him. Nicholas just took that second part a few steps further. Like Ashley, Nicky darling is an aspiring actor who hopes that the $5,000 he spent will help further his career in Hollywood…. but somehow, though, Meanie just doesn’t see the resemblance.
Oh, kittens. Meanie is filing this one under “Creepiest Plastic Surgery Ever”… because songwriter Toby Sheldon is a 33-year-old man who has spent close to $100,000 over the course of five years to turn himself into Justin Bieber. No full-grown, fully functional adult should have “Make Self Look Like Teenaged Pop Star” at the top of their list of ultimate goals.
Have societal views on beauty really gotten so out of control as to suggest that the only way anyone can possibly be considered attractive is to spend obscene amounts of money to make themself look like someone else—and someone who is rarely seen without hours of styling, beautifying, or airbrushing having been spent to get them to look like they do in the first place? It is simply too much, kittens.
And there is, regretfully, no quick fix for this problem. The only thing Meanie can think would hit the reset button is nothing short of the apocalypse. With no movies, television shows, concerts, magazines, red carpets, tummy tucks, rhinoplasty, hairspray, or lipstick, we would have no more impossible standards to live up to.
Then again, we would also have no more mimosas or croissants or Pool Boys or Butlers, and Meanie will be honest with you, kittens: Those things she would most certainly miss. But in the meantime, while we are still apocalypse-free, Meanie sends out the following plea: Don’t fall for it. No one needs to look like anyone other than themselves. In the words of the late, great Judy Garland: Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.