My! It’s been quite some time since we’ve heard from teen bride Courtney Stodden, hasn’t it, kittens? Miley Cyrus seems to have the market cornered on young people behaving badly these days; a teenager marrying an actor 35 years her senior is, apparently, only interesting for so long.
But what’s this? Could it be? Gasp! It is! The now 19-year-old Courtney is back in the gossip columns, thanks to her calling it quits on her marriage to 53-year-old actor Doug Hutchison Meanie, of course, is not at all surprised; she can, however, think of a wide variety of reasons as to why Courtney may have split from her much older husband. Butler, dear? Mix up a few more mimosas, if you please—Meanie and her guests have some gossiping to do!
1. So: Why might this relationship have failed? The most obvious reason, kittens, is of course the age difference. Courtney and Doug first met when she enrolled in an acting class taught by the Lost actor; the couple then began an online courtship, during which time Doug was not aware that Courtney was only in her teens (understandable, given that Courtney has always tried her hardest to look several decades older than she actually is). After he learned her true age, he told Courtney’s momager, Krista, that if her parental units disapproved, he would end the relationship. Instead, Krista and her husband, Alex, trusted Courtney to make her own decision—perhaps an unwise move, as most 16-year-olds do not often possess the best of decision-making capabilities. Courtney and Doug wed on May 20, 2011; critics, citing the 35-year age difference, gave the relationship an expiration date of a few years at most. It appears the naysayers—of which Meanie has vocally been one—were right; after all, how much can a 16-year-old and a 51-year-old truly have in common?
2. The power dynamic. It has been fairly obvious from the get-go that Courtney has wielded most of the power in their relationship. She has had her husband wrapped around her proverbial little finger the whole time, a fact which was reiterated by Dr. Jenn Berman during the couples’ appearance on VH1’s Couples Therapy. “I came in saying, ‘She’s a victim, he’s a predator,’” said Dr. Berman. “What I found out was that she has a lot more power in this relationship and he is far more powerless than I expected.” Perhaps Courtney got bored of always having the upper hand.
3. She was his everything—and she simply couldn’t deal with it. After Doug married his teenage bride, the actor lost almost everything. His agent dropped him; his manager said marrying Courtney “was like taking a gun and shooting my career in the head”; he was called a pedophile; he got death threats; and perhaps most damning, his family disowned him. “I got a call from my brother and he said to me, ‘Doug, you and Courtney are no longer welcome,’” he told VH1; he continued, “My mother vehemently said that she didn’t want anything to do with Courtney and me.” With his life in tatters due to his poor judgment (because really, kittens: Shouldn’t a 50-something know that marrying a 16-year-old is a phenomenally bad decision?), Courtney was literally all he had—and perhaps after a time, she could not or did not want to deal with it anymore.
4. He failed to be her ticket to the top. Mayhaps the would-be starlet believed that by marrying an established actor with a resume including roles in such respected titles as The X-Files, The Green Mile, and Lost, she would be well placed to make her own entry into the business we call show. Alas, this has not turned out to be the case; although Courtney has indeed become a constant fixture in the tabloids, she has not earned any accolades for her “talent.” No one—and Meanie does mean NO ONE—has been able to take her seriously: Several attempts to launch a music career have failed spectacularly, as Miss Courtney lacks any ability to sing, and her only onscreen appearances have been in the reality shows Couples Therapy and Celebrity Big Brother. Perhaps, in her disappointment, she has decided to cut ties with her husband and has gone on the hunt for someone new to help her gain the stardom she so craves.
5. Or, perhaps even more frighteningly: She has decided that she has reached the pinnacle of stardom and no longer needs Doug. It is entirely possible, kittens, that Courtney is so deluded as to believe her infamy, no matter how dubious, to be real stardom. Perhaps now that she has reached her goal, she has decided she no longer requires the services of the stepping stone known as her husband. Accordingly, she may very well have jettisoned him in favor of the masses of men she believes flock around her wherever she goes. It is both unfortunate and sad that her perception of the world is so skewed as to think, “any attention is good attention”—even when it isn’t. And kittens, NO attention that Courtney has received since we first learned of her marriage has been good attention.
In the days since their split, Courtney has been living it up, throwing a raucous Halloween party with her husband nowhere in sight; the heartbroken Doug, meanwhile, has been forced to pack his bags and move out of the home the couple once shared. Butler, darling? Remind Meanie to put together a care package to send Doug; no matter how bad his decision-making skills, Meanie feels for the poor dear. He could probably use a pick-me-up—and besides, there’s nothing a good Bloody Mary or two won’t fix.
Photo Credit: StarTraks Photo