We want more sex and we want better sex.
It’s a universal desire, driven by ancient brain circuits that drive procreation and our primitive needs to be held, seen, and loved. We want — and deserve — more pleasure and less stress. Sex can be enlivening, relaxing and fulfilling.
When you search for “sex advice” on the web, you’re offered 416 million websites to choose from. There is no shortage of people offering you help: thousands of experts offer trainings in how to jazz up your sex life. What’s missing, however, is something essential — the real foundation and fuel for the best sex: safety and security.
Most young people, full of hormones, feel the desire for sex often or constantly. Yet what they often lack is wisdom and discernment. They don’t always understand or grasp the deeper meaning of a sexual encounter, and aren’t yet skilled in choosing the best partners for a life of love. In the “hook-up” culture, sex can be about as meaningful as a handshake. But as we mature into our thirties, forties, and beyond, physical and emotional safety become much more important to our sexuality. For women, especially, (and for many men), sexuality and a safe heart-connection are inseparable.
Most women have a difficult time sharing their bodies or minds with a person they don’t trust. But when they’re feeling safe, they can let down their guard. When they’re feeling safe, they become loving, sexy, and juicy with passion.
Men are built differently, since they’re driven primarily by testosterone and the desire to spread their seed widely. Men can feel lustful without needing an emotional connection. Yet as they mature, and the testosterone drive slows down, they find the desire to be vulnerable too, and to open their hearts to deeper intimacy, seeking safety in their primary relationship.
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