2. “When are you giving us grandkids?”
When you got married, you probably thought you’d be off the hook when it came to those irritating questions you faced at holiday gatherings, but nope—almost immediately after you say, “I do,” parents and other family members start to hint and then harp about when you’re having children.
How to handle it: If you’re trying to conceive (whether or not you and your partner have been struggling with infertility) and feel like sharing, you can just say, “We’re trying” with a smile and leave it at that. It’s really no one else’s business but yours. “Your answer could be, ‘I don’t know’ or ‘you’ll be the first to know’ and then change the subject,” suggests psychologist and life coach Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. “You don’t want to get into ‘why are you always asking that?’ which will make everyone around you uncomfortable.”
Not yet ready to be a parent? Kubiak recommends saying: “We need some time together as a couple. Once we have children, we will be parents for the rest of our lives, so we want to make sure we’re ready to do that.”
Or you may have financial issues or life goals you want to reach before becoming a parent. In that case, you can explain that you want to hold off until your partner finishes school or you get a promotion so you’re in a better position financially, suggests Kubiak. Both are situations that are hard to argue with.
But not everyone has “kids” penciled into their agenda. If you and your partner want to keep your relationship a cozy twosome, Sbarra suggests being honest with your family. “If you’re not planning on having kids at all, you should tell your parents instead of giving them false hope,” he says.