Oh, kittens. Meanie tried to keep her mouth shut when news that Teen Mom Farrah Abraham had made a sex tape first rose up out of the ether. She tried to keep it shut when it came out that the aforementioned tape was no amateur affair; it was a full-on porn shoot with none other than James Deen as her partner. She tried to keep it shut when Farrah lashed out at Deen for spilling the beans about the shoot by stating that his… ahem, manhood was, shall Meanie say, less than impressive (Meanie is overwhelmed by your maturity in dealing with conflict, Farrah). Meanie even tried to keep her trap shut when Farrah decided that the best way to get the most bang for her buck out of her experience was to take both her father and her four-year-old daughter with her to haggle over the price. But kittens? Meanie simply cannot stay silent anymore—because Farrah has apparently sold the aforementioned tape to adult entertainment company Vivid Entertainment for—wait for it, kittens—nearly a million dollars.
That’s right, darlings: A girl known only for having had a child as a teenager has cashed in on her dubious source of fame yet again by selling a sex tape to the tune of six figures. It will be marketed under the title Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom.
Meanie implores the universe to tell her: Why does this keep happening?!
Although Farrah did have her sympathetic moments on Teen Mom, by and large she came across as a spoiled princess with an overblown sense of entitlement. It’s true that this image may partly have been due to MTV’s editing, but Meanie has a sneaking suspicion that it might also just be the way that Farrah is. As such, her newest bid at keeping her name in the tabloids comes across the same way: As a desperate act of sheer stupidity by someone who feels she is entitled to fame and fortune—and will do anything to get it and even more to keep it. And curiously, the world keeps giving it to her. Why?
Is it because Farrah, in feeling that SHE is so special, has somehow convinced the world of her self-perceived specialness, thus making it reality? This can’t possibly be it, can it, kittens? Here, allow Meanie to attempt to figure it out: Congratulations, Farrah, you had sex!… which is something an awful lot of us do, so you are not unique in having done it. All right, that’s certainly not it, so let’s try again: Congratulations, you had sex with a camera running!… which is something fewer of us do, but which is still by no means uncommon. One more try: Congratulations, you had sex with a porn star!… admittedly fewer of us can probably make this particular claim, but Farrah, dear? Meanie hates to break it to you, but it still doesn’t make you special—and it CERTAINLY doesn’t make you special enough to warrant that sort of payday. Meanie isn’t sure which makes her sadder: The fact that Farrah thinks this is the case, or the fact that by making the purchase, Vivid has given her affirmation that it IS, in fact, the case.
Although in the midst of all this “WHAT?!”-ness, Meanie supposes she can take comfort in the following: Farrah appears to have failed to examine what tends to happen to people who achieve fame—nay, not fame; infamy, which includes all the recognition with none of the respect—via sex tapes. Consider Kim Kardashian: She is rich and famous, but universally despised. Consider Paris Hilton: She is also rich and famous, but universally despised. Consider Octomom: …On second thought, let’s not even go there. Although Farrah is probably closer to Octomom than Kim Kardashian, so if we look a little further down the line… well, you can see where this is going, kittens.
But maybe the true test of whether the world has gone totally bonkers isn’t in the fact that Vivid paid out such a huge chunk of change for Farrah’s tape. After all, she is unlikely to be receiving a paycheck based on how frequently she pops up on gossip sites and in tabloids. But whether or not Vivid manages to sell a certain number of copies of the tape? Now THERE is something worth examining. And if people are actually buying this dreck, then we’ll know that the end is nigh.
Meanie hopes that none of this impacts Farrah’s daughter, little Sophia, in a negative way, but she has a feeling in the pit of her stomach that it will. How can it not? It isn’t the sex tape in and of itself that’s the problem here; nor is the fact that Farrah spent several years of her life on an MTV reality show. It’s the fact that Farrah has become, simply put, a fame whore. What a difficult environment in which to grow up…
Butler, dear? Meanie thinks it’s going to be a two-mimosa morning. Mix up one for yourself while you’re at it—something tells Meanie that we could all use a drink today!