As we await the season 2 finale of New Girl with bated breath, there’s no harm in throwing out a possible plotline (you know, so we can have bragging rights if any of our ideas actually come to fruition). In case you’ve been living under a rock in recent weeks, Cece plans to wed her new beau, Shivrang, in a traditional Indian ceremony. But with country sensation Taylor Swift guest-starring as Elaine a.k.a. Shivrang’s rumored ex AND the episode titled “Elaine’s Big Day”, it’s safe to say there’ll be more drama in those 30 minutes than the entire season of Dance Moms (we still adore you, Abby!).
With points ranging from entirely possible to outrageously outlandish, here’s how we hope this finale will go down:
Since everything is more dramatic when exes are in the picture, a healthy sprinkling of Taylor’s past flames is in order. Though it’s probably impossible that Taylor Lautner, Joe Jonas, John Mayer, Harry Styles, and Conor Kennedy (must we go on?) will all make surprise appearances to sabotage the wedding, we think they deserve a chance to cause a ruckus…or at least air a rebuttal song.
In the midst of all the hullabaloo, Taylor’s Elaine stands around in her little lace dress (which happens to be super cute, by the way!) attempting to break a world record for on-screen surprise faces.
Finally, Jess takes it upon herself as the maid of honor to intervene…by challenging Elaine to a fashion face-off. She whips off her sari (to the gasps of Shivrang’s relatives) to reveal a shimmering blue cocktail dress. The battle’s close, but in the end Jess nabs a win for perfectly matching her dress to her icy irises. Adorkable!
Everyone is ushered to their seats by a flock of angry wedding guests. Seconds later, Cece gracefully glides down the aisle to meet Shivrang. It’s really happ—
Suddenly, Elaine stands and meets Shivrang’s eyes. A flood of emotion sweeps over his face, which Taylor greets with her best surprised look yet.
She unleashes the blow that ends the wedding, and if her monologue sounds a lot like a Taylor Swift mashup, it’s because it is. You’re welcome.
I am not the kind of girl
Who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion
But you are not the kind of boy
Who should be marrying the wrong girl
I remember when we broke up the first time
Saying, “This is it, I’ve had enough,” ’cause like
We hadn’t seen each other in a month
When you said you needed space. (What?)
But ooh, this time I’m telling you, I’m telling you
That I’m only up when you’re not down.
Don’t wanna fly if you’re still on the ground.
It’s like no matter what I do.
I’m only me
Who I wanna be
Well, I’m only me when I’m with you
Shivrang utters a heartfelt “I’m sorry” to Cece before rushing down the aisle to pull Elaine into his arms. Cece’s relatives and Taylor/Elaine’s exes rush after them, and Schmidt goes to follow. But before he makes it out the door, Nick whacks him on side of the head and says, “Don’t lose her again, man.” In a rare moment of clarity, Schmidt decides that now’s his time and kisses Cece with more passion than the hunky male protagonist in a romance novel (let alone Shivrang) ever could.
Everyone stands there in utter shock until a Taylor Swift song mysteriously begins to play in the background. Nick and Jess, then Schmidt and Cece, start to dance. And thus ends the dysfunctional imaginary wedding we wish would actually happen on the small screen. Team Schmidt forever!
Catch the season finale of Fox’s ‘New Girl’ on May 14th, 2013 at 9/8c.
Snag Taylor Swift’s Pastel-Perfect Wedding Look:
Bow back lace party dress ($74.50, delias.com), Pieces Enya slim leather belt ($15.79, us.asos.com), Coral openwaist mid courts ($44, us.dorothyperkins.com), Pretty pastel bracelet set ($29, us.dorothyperkins.com), Revlon Super Lustrous matte lipstick in Smoked Peach ($7.19, drugstore.com).
Diana Denza is BettyConfidential’s contributing editor.