Goodness, kittens! Beyonce’s latest world tour is proving to be a veritable treasure trove of ridiculousness for Meanie! Let us examine the latest dispatches from the front lines of The Mrs. Carter Show—accompanied, of course, by one of the butler’s fabulous mimosas (or four). Butler, dear, would you do Meanie a favor and mix up a tray of those delicious imbibables for our guests? Thank you EVER so!
Now then: What were we discussing? Ah, yes—Queen Bey and The Mrs. Carter Show. Rumor has it that a tour rider has emerged of the singer’s divalicious demands detailing the conditions she requires in each venue in exchange for her agreeing to grace their stages with her presence. According to the Daily Star, she must be furnished with:
– Special alkaline water that’s served at exactly 21 degrees (presumably Celsius, as the Daily Star is a British tabloid);
– £600 drinking straws made of titanium through which to drink the aforementioned water;
– Hand-carved ice balls to suck on;
– Freshly-painted white walls for her dressing room;
– A new toilet seat plus red toilet paper for the dressing room’s bathroom;
– Glass platters of almonds and oatcakes for snacking purposes;
– And a greens-only salad bar.
– Additionally, no junk food is allowed anywhere near Beyonce’s hallowed person;
– And her crew must wear only 100 percent pure cotton clothing.
Allegedly Beyonce was also offered the chance to be the very first star to use the newly-refurbished dressing rooms of London’s O2 Arena—but instead, she chose to use the biggest dressing rooms in the place. Just how big are they? Well, kittens, let Meanie put it this way: They’re the ones normally reserved for entire sports teams. Meanie hear that she decorated them with white drapes, leather sofas, and rugs.
Bey’s reps have neither confirmed nor denied the tour rider’s veracity; however, that fact actually counts for very little, as the Daily Star isn’t exactly known for its hard-hitting journalism. Is the singer truly this… well, spoiled? Or is this simply yet another case of a tabloid making up the most outrageous claims they can in order to sell more magazines or drive more web traffic? You be the judge, kittens—and let Meanie know what you decide, because she is honestly not sure either way. Although Meanie will say that as much as she wishes the tour rider were false, given that Beyonce has forbidden photographers (other than her own, of course) to take pictures of the tour so as not to release any unflattering images of her to the world, she wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out to be true. Le sigh.
And thus closes this week’s exciting installment of Meanie’s Examination of the Life and Times of Beyonce “Mrs. Carter” Knowles. Butler, darling? Another mimosa if you please!