No matter where you live or work, how young (or mature) you are, or how you spend your Friday nights, you’re not safe from the pick-up line. Ah, the string of words that make you laugh, cringe, run (as fast as you possibly can), or punch a guy in the nose (see story 14)!
The utterings of the drunk dude at the bar, the jerk, the liar, the “King of the Corny Pick-Up Lines”, and the genuinely nice guy have all been immortalized for your entertainment. Enjoy, you beautiful, smart, witty women (our target demographic, naturally)!
With guys like these, a handful of cats is looking like a pretty good alternative:
Deidre B., 24, thequestionable.com
If you’re a woman and alive, chances are you’ve heard something along the lines of the following:
1. The Hands-On: “It is clearly fate that my entire body just happened to hermetically seal itself to yours as I made my way to the bathroom. What’s your face like, sweetheart? Just kidding, don’t care.”
2. The Euro: “I have an accent. In case you didn’t notice it. You know, my accent. American girls take their pants off for people with accents, right?”
3. The Put-Down: “I’m usually not attracted to girls who aren’t pretty, but you seem fun.”
4. The Creepy as F**k, part 1: “I’ve been staring at you all night. In case you didn’t notice.”
5. The Creepy as F**k, part 2: “You remind me of my mother. No, not when she was younger. Now.”
6. The DOA: “You look like a vodka type of girl.”
7. The American Psycho: “I drive a BMW and work out 7 days a week. Would you mind not blinking for a few minutes so I can admire my reflection in your retinas?”
8. The Sad Sack: “My girlfriend broke up with me after 6 years together. Want to talk about it for a few hours and then give me your number?”
9. The Oblivious: “I’ve noticed you’ve been avoiding eye contact and run away every time I get close to you, so I thought I’d come say ‘hi’!”
10. The Adonis: “Wait, I actually have to say something?”
His starry-eyed surprise:
Amanda D., 23, UFGator4PR.com
I was at a client event when a younger guy approached me and asked if my father was an astronaut. Not only was it the wrong time and place to be delivering a pick-up line, but this guy looked like a hobo. When I said no and asked why, he said, “because it looks like someone took the stars out of the sky and put them in your eyes.” Really, dude?!
Because fidelity (and goldfish) are so overrated, apparently:
After dancing my heels away (literally), my BFF tapped me on the shoulder to let me know that she and our other friend were heading to the restroom. Not wanting to look like a loner, I retreated to our table. From the corner of my eye, I peeped the arrogant guy that had failed at getting my number when we arrived, creeping my way. “Great!” I remember thinking.
Without an invitation–heck, even a hello–he sat down next to me, but before he could open his mouth I said “I have a boyfriend.” “I have a goldfish,” he shot back at me. Confused and caught off guard, I looked at him and said “what?!” He then replied with “oh, I’m sorry, I thought we were naming irrelevant shit.” LOL! Though he never got my number, he made a lasting impression for sure.
We wish we could seal his lips…permanently:
Cyndi M., 27, theartofcharm.com
Weirdest pick-up? I was once at a bar, and I met this guy who told me he worked in sales. He said dating is a whole lot like “the business.” He blabbered on about establishing leads and “sealing deals” (ew). He even created, what appeared to be, somewhat of an infographic on a cocktail napkin. Apparently his target demographic is “beautiful women.” Figures. Maybe sleaziness translates better in sales or perhaps he needs to find a new line of business.
Rejected for his shortcomings:
Guestpert Jeff D’Avanzo, author of “How to be a Good Bad Boy”
Sometimes a fellow who really needs an ego boost gets both of these shortcomings in the mix. An attractive woman friend of mine was once chatted up by a vertically challenged man at a party she was attending.
In an effort to go all in, he stated, “You know, I do have a lot of money.”
My friend looked him up and down for a few moments, and then she replied.”Really? So how tall are you when you stand on your wallet?”
She related that he turned pale at that comment, turned around silently and slinked away, totally emasculated.
The joke’s on him (poor guy):
Samia K., 28, instacurity.com
I wasn’t really feeling this guy, so I used religion as an excuse for why we couldn’t really date (I’m Muslim and so is he, although he was far from practicing – which is why I said it wouldn’t work.) However, this guy wouldn’t take no for an answer and decided to counter my “religiosity” with religious “hollering.”
The day before Ramadan started (where I would proceed to fast for 30 days), he texts me and asks me if I’d like to get one last daytime frappuccino. I tell him I’m busy. He later asks me for my zipcode. I give it.
That night, I check my email, and discover he had created a custom fasting/prayer chart (fasting is from sunrise to sunset and times varies depending on location) specific to my home address. I thought it was hilarious, and so did my comedian friend, so he wrote about it in a status update detailing how pathetic this guy was in terms of using religion to holler. As my comedian friend put it, “The guy did the Muslim equivalent of making a girl a mixtape.”
And even though my comedian friend’s status got many “likes,” the guy that was hollering somehow saw said-status, and needless to say, I was unfriended by the end of the night.
More of your stories up next!