A rare medical condition…based on junk science:
Susan C., 34
I was in Chicago for a cousin’s wedding, and as you can imagine everyone was drinking. This guy kept saying how he was under strict doctor’s orders not to pick up anything over 10lbs. I think it was about the 4th time he said it, and I said, “Ok, we get it….you can’t pick up anything over 10lbs!” and then he replied, “But I have to go to the bathroom, so do you think you can help me?”
We just feel bad for the E.R. nurses who had to fix this guy up:
We were bikers in our late teens and 20s and lived together in a big house in England. Once a week we would all go to a local “disco” held in a village/town hall. We would roar up on our bikes, the girls would swoon, the boys would run and we “owned” the place.
One Friday, this happened:
Chris and Andy meet two girls. One very pretty and the other, well, you get the idea. Strange it seems to always be this way, isn’t it, they ponder. So they toss a coin and Andy dances with the pretty one and Chris kinda dances with the other. More staggers, really. After a few minutes, Andy maneuvers over to his friend and says to Chris “Be nice to her – say something nice.” Chris, who by this time has had a few beers, thinks and then whispers in the larger girl’s ear “Lady, for a big girl you don’t sweat much do you!”
She punched him and broke his nose.
Oh, did we laugh!
Who could say no to a man in uniform?:
One night a couple years ago a friend invited me to watch his band play at a club, so I hopped in the car and drove out to Long Island. I was having a very nice time listening to the band and it never occurred to me that as an unaccompanied female I might be subject to pick-up attempts.
For some reason quite a few guys approached me but I politely refused their advances. I am surprised that fellows continued to try to talk to me because the band was so loud, and if they were watching at all, they would have seen me reject all potential suitors. But when the band stopped playing to take a break, one intrepid individual came up to me with my best-ever pick-up line: “I’m a New York City police officer, so if you would like to go to the bathroom, I can hold your bag.” Real sexy! Can’t wait to go out with this guy, ha ha!
All hail the King of the Corny Pick-Up Line:
Two years ago I was at a tradeshow in Javits Convention Center, NY. Being 42, having been engaged six times before, married once and set to marry for the second time, I honestly thought that I had heard my share of bad pick-up lines. Not so…
My main point at this tradeshow was to attend a “Master Training” given by the co-owner of a very well known and respected product line. I was very excited as I’ve heard from my colleagues that he’s an amazing talent, an incredible trainer and although not conventionally good looking, a funny, sexy and charismatic man. Most of my female colleagues have crushes on him. Being engaged, that didn’t excite me but to learn from him was a very exciting prospect. I am a retailer of this product line and my area rep, who is close to both owners, had told me that she spoke to him about my clinic and how we’ve grown in the past year.
So, I walk into the classroom very early, as everyone warned me that it would overfill so go early to nab a seat up front. He was up front in the “stage” area with two of his many assistants, giving some last minute instructions. There were a number of people already taking up seats so I thought “OK let’s go grab one of the last in the front row” and headed that way. “Mr. K,” the Master in question looks up and walks straight to me as he extends a hand and says “Welcome Kim, it’s great to meet you.” A bit startled (We’ve never met and I’m not a model and my business isn’t a gigantic corporation) I take his hand, expecting to shake it as I return the greeting. He gently but firmly takes my hand, wraps his other arm around my waist, pulls me in for a full body hug while leaning down and whispers in my ear “The second I saw you, I knew for a fact that you are my next ex-wife…”
Wow, really? Talk about overkill, invasion of personal space and just outright CORNY! Do ridiculous lines like this work for this guy? Apparently so, as a lot of women unashamedly threw themselves at him before and after training. He is funny and has a lot of charisma and yes, the most amazing talent BUT with a line like that, let’s just say he’s famous in my private circle because we have crowned him King of the Corny pick-up line!
It ain’t easy being the Lady in Red:
Anytime I wear red, be it a dress or a shirt, I feel like SOME GUY always has to make a reference to the song “Lady in Red” and in some cases, I’ve actually had a few who have sung that song to me. It’s always awkward and never, ever, charming, especially since these guys are usually pretty drunk.
Now if only we all had this happy ending!:
Pandora M., think-diff.com
“Nice rack,…ugh…big ass!”
Seriously! A guy had the nerve to say this, in a group of guys, as I walked by them at a busy Boston nightspot.
I stopped in my tracks, stared him down and said, “I think you owe me an apology!” That’s when the cute guy pushed the wiseass out of the way, “Pardon my friend! He’s an idiot. Can I buy you a drink?”
That’s my best and worst pick-up situation ever!
Diana Denza is BettyConfidential’s contributing editor.