Dear Man Who Tried to Pull Beyonce Into the Audience During Her Sao Paulo Concert on Sunday,
Can we talk about this for a moment, kitten?:
In case it’s difficult for you to see, here is a close up version:
This? This is a little bit of a problem, kitten. Meanie understands that you have a deep and lasting love of Beyonce. Many do; she is, after all, a goddess incarnate (even if she sometimes has unreasonable tour rider demands. Such is the way of goddesses incarnate). But perhaps we need to go over the rules of decorum when it comes to meeting your idols live and in person. Please believe Meanie when she says she has only your best interests in mind as she walks you through this very important lesson.
Fact: It is not generally acceptable to approach women you don’t know, tackle them, and attempt to carry them off into the night. Not only that, but you were also shirtless at the time. It is even less acceptable to approach women you don’t know, tackle them, and attempt to carry them off into the night. Really, no one should ever be approaching anyone they don’t know for the purposes of tackling them and carrying them off into the night. Personal space violations, unexpected and unwanted physical contact, and the threat of imminent kidnapping do not tend to be well received by most people in most situations.
Perhaps it is possible that you are so well versed in your Beyonce lore that you feel like you do know her. Beyonce, for all her foibles and flaws, loves her fans; as such, she is wonderfully approachable, so Meanie can see how this may have happened. But every now and again, it might be worth reminding yourself that no matter how much you know about her favorite foods and where she likes to vacation, you are not, in fact, a close personal friend. Perhaps closing your eyes and counting to ten while taking deep breaths will help curb your enthusiasm.
Thankfully, Beyonce, goddess that she is, is so understanding; many stars would not have been so understanding as to have halted the security guards trying to remove you from the premises, telling them—in the middle of her concert, no less—“Hey, hey! It’s all right. Calm! Calm! Calm!” Nor would they have necessarily taken a moment after the song to introduce herself to you and tell you, “I love you, too.” No harm was done in this situation, but it is possible that should you continue down this path, a future situation arising from such behavior may have a less agreeable result. For this reason, Meanie urges you to consider how you might cope with such an occurrence as to prevent it from happening.
Again, Meanie wishes you only the best; just try to stave off your urges to pull performers off of the stage mid-performance, kitten. Everyone will be much happier—including yourself.