Joseph Gordon-Levitt Has a Secret Girlfriend – And It’s Me! (Well, Not Really. But He Still Has a Secret Girlfriend.)

Sorry, guys and gals -- Joseph Gordon-Levitt is officially off the market.

8 Reasons Why Joseph Gordon-Levitt Should Have Coffee with This Girl

And to be fair, I already have a lovely SO, so even if Joseph Gordon-Levitt did for some reason come knocking at my door, I’d probably have to turn him down gently—but in any event, sorry, hopefuls; we’ve now got the intel straight from the source that the Dark Knight Rises star is off the market.

According to Us Weekly,Joe stopped by SiriusXM’s Howard Stern Show this past Tuesday; while he was there, he talked just a liiiiiittle, tiny bit about his love life, revealing to the shock jock, “I have a girlfriend, but I tend not to really like to talk about it in public.”

Cue a thousand disappointed sighs.

Then he added, “She is not in show business.”

Cue a thousand MORE disappointed sighs from lovelorn fans lusting after him who now know that non-famous do, in fact, stand a chance with Joe—they just didn’t get there fast enough. Or something.

Read 25 Things About Lizzy Caplan

In all seriousness, though, I don’t really think we need to ask WHY he’s opting to keep his love life private; as much as we often make the “who’s dating who” game our business (us being the general public), it isn’t really. He did still offer an explanation, though, which turns out is twofold. First, he noted, “I get up in movies and I play other people, so when the audience is watching me in movies, I don’t want them thinking about me and who I’m dating and blah blah blah. I want them to see the character, the story that I’m telling.” Fair point! There’s a fine line between art and overexposure, and nothing will kill a good performance like knowing you’re watching the actor, not the character.

And second, Joe said, “The girl that I’m with, she doesn’t really want to be a part of it”—“it” being the public eye. “You can imagine not wanting to have that kind of scrutiny.” Also fair. As fun as it might be to dream of fame and whatnot, the idea of having my every step dogged by paparazzi fills me with horrible anxiety, and I’m absolutely POSITIVE I’m not alone here.

Well, good for them. Also good for them for staying seriously under the radar—I don’t know how they’ve done it so far, but whatever they’re doing, it’s working. Maybe they’ve got a few Bat-gadgets handy? Nothing hides you from those pesky photographers like a cloaking device!

Lucia Peters is BettyConfidential’s senior editor.

Photo Credit: StarTraks Photo

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