Worst Online Dating Profile Ever? File This Guy Under DO NOT DATE!

With this Austin man's list of girlfriend requirements, it's no wonder he's single. And no, we're not exaggerating.
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Ladies, meet Sleepless in Austin. Like so many, Sleepless in Austin is on a quest. What kind of quest, you ask? A quest… for LOVE!

Unfortunately he happens to be so bigoted that it’s unlikely he’ll ever find it. So guess what? He’s launched a website to aid in his quest, detailing who he is, what he’s looking for, and what he’ll pay the person who finds him the girl of his dreams (for the curious $1,500 if you find him a girlfriend, plus an extra $1,000 if they get married).

And yes, the website is as horrifying as you think it is. It’s actually even MORE horrifying. Seriously, Bettys—this is the stuff of nightmares.

According to Culture Map Austin, Sleepless in Austin is actually a 39-year-old wedding photographer by the name of Larry Busby, although he prefers to go by “Romeo Rose” (I wonder if he’s buddies with Carlos Danger?). His “About Me” page describes himself as “both a CEO & a Rockstar all at the same time,” a romantic, and “an Artist, Musician, Poet, Composer, Performer, [and] Businessman.” He lives in South Austin, Texas; he doesn’t like North or East Austin (North because it’s “to [sic] much like any other city, boring, lacking the ‘Austin’ vibe, and East because it’s “full of the trashy people that have long criminal records and lack any proper education”). He thinks that 9/11 was an inside job “designed to instill more fear in Americans in which the government can use as an escuse [sic] to take away more of our rights and freedoms and push more of their terrible agenda upon us.” He is adamant that he is NOT racist; he just doesn’t like “ignorant, useless, TRASH.” And don’t even get him started about women’s reproductive rights or gay rights.

Sounds like a real catch, doesn’t he?

Oh, but don’t worry—odds are you don’t stand a chance with this guy. He’s got quite a lot to say about what he likes and doesn’t like in a woman. Almost 1,500 words about it, in fact. His girlfriend requirements run the gamut from the slightly eyebrow-raising to the truly WTF; so in an effort to understand exactly what might be going on here, let’s take a look at a few of them together, shall we?

All quotes are copied directly from his site, by the way, typos and all. So do with that what you will.

– “I like girls that are thin, or with a toned or athletic build. A average build is fine too, just as long as you are not over weight. I will not date a overweight or fat girl.

“I like girls that are 130 pounds or less. Of course weight needs to be in proportion to their height, as long as they aren’t considred overweight, they should be fine.

“Being overweight is a total dealbreaker with me.”

Okay, so you’re shallow. Irksome, but given the amount of shallow people in the world, not totally surprising.

– “I do not like glasses on a girl. Although, it’s not a dealbreaker, as long as she can wear contacts at least most of the time.”

Also shallow, but a little more “…eh?”. Dude, do you have any idea how painful it is to keep contact lenses in your eyes for sixteen hours a day?

And here’s where it starts getting REALLY weird:

– “I will not date a Black girl. I don’t care if she looks like Halle Berry, I will not ever date a Black girl.”

What? Just… what?!

Interestingly, a number of sites (including our buddies at The Frisky) reported that this rather astonishing statement was, followed up with this even more mind-blowing one:

And, I do not believe that Whites & Blacks should mix races sexually and have kids together. I think it’s ok for Whites & Hispanics. But not Blacks. I would NEVER, EVER, EVER date a woman if I found out she had EVER been sexually active with a Black man.”

Sleepless in Austin seems to have since deleted that part (hmmmmmmmmmm), although the following remains:

“However, I will date any other race, Hispanic, Mexican, Spanish, Russian, Italian, French, European, White, whatever, anything except Black.”

I don’t even. I. Don’t. Even.

More “I’m horrified, but I can’t look away” fodder up next. For reals. Yikes.

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