We took to social media to see what people had learned after first dates from hell. It’s hard to tell what’s scarier from the stories we received: the dates, or the actual lessons the men and women were forced to learn. We’ll let you be the judge.
1. Agreeing to a health food restaurant for a first date won’t end well.
Emily probably should have known better when a date suggested that they meet at the healthiest of health food restaurants in town. However, the reality of the situation didn’t sink in until after she ordered a creamy dressing at the restaurant, and her date said, “Ugh. That’s gross. Creamy dressing is sick. Sickening. Nasty. Oh man, I feel like I’m going to barf.” Then he tightly grabbed her arm, looked her right in the face and said, “Look, pretty girl — don’t ever let me catch you eating mayonnaise.” Emily picked up her bag and snuck out the back door with the stealth of Batman.
Lesson? “Don’t go out with guys who schedule first dates at healthy restaurants. Have a drink. Relax. Eat some mayonnaise, if you like.”
2. Computer programmers have a weird sense of humor.
If the bottom of the email after your first date reads the following, then you know you’ve got a desperate attempt at both funny and love on your hands. Can we say awkward?
“This program uses a novel algorithm to quantitatively analyze and assess characteristics of Jessica——–’s male suitors (includes real-time objective quantitative data on charisma and personality, goals-set/goals-attained ratios, penis size [and associated wielding skills], potential for a happy and successful future, probability of divorce, various dating statistics among 768 other int value data inputs).
The compiled algorithm yields object [name] of Jessica’s best match, saving much valuable time and opening up a world of unprecedented happiness.”
Lesson? “When the talk goes to his penis — he also claimed in another email that followed that he was well-endowed — block him on gmail, then laugh at him with your friends.”
3. Vampires aren’t as cool as they are in the movies.
The idea of gifts, in general, is great! But when your date asks if he can buy you a pair of fangs before you even meet him IRL, something is up. However, if you ignore this blaring warning, as Diana did and, to quote her, “get stupid and go out with him anyway, because he’s THAT good looking, don’t be surprised when he tells you he thinks he’s a vampire, and that he thinks you’re one, too.” Sigh.
Lesson? “No matter how good looking he is, just say ‘no’ to dudes who think they’re starring in The Lost Boys.”
This post originally appeared on YourTango.com: 10 Valuable Lessons from Terrible First Dates.
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