Is it Over Between Us?

A woman seeks advice on whether or not her relationship is salvagable.


Is it Over?

Dear ASK REAL GUYS: I’ve been dating this guy for more than a year, and our timing, emotionally speaking, has been kind of off. In the beginning, he was all over me, writing me beautiful e-mails, and being really open about his feelings – caring and touchy. I was, however, coming out of a really awful relationship and was not ready or willing to open up to him. He was turned away many times by me, emotionally and sexually. We kept dating, and in the same proportion that I felt myself opening up to him, he was closing himself.

We keep talking every day, seeing each other every week, but physically, our relationship is pretty much done. I tried to talk to him about it, and he said that for so long he tried and was rejected that he just adapted himself to what I was, because he didn’t want to stop seeing me, and that after a while he just blocked it, and that now, he doesn’t know how to trigger it back.

He says he’s not seeing anyone else and that he’s happy with me, but he just doesn’t know how to be stop feeling like this; he stopped trying out of fear of being rejected again. I don’t know what to do, because I don’t want to force him to have sex with me, and won’t humiliate myself to be the one being rejected. Not that he’s not worthy, but I won’t push him to do something that he doesn’t feel into it. I really like him, but I need to know if there’s a chance to rebuild this or if I should just accept that our relationship will always be platonic. Thoughts?

Matt: I believe it’s always a tough hurdle to overcome when someone loses interest in sex. He could be telling you the truth, but I think that’s an excuse that there is something more missing. I would consider being a bit more emotionally distant and not quite as open (as you once were) and see how he responds. Sometimes when things come to easily (either emotionally or physically) and guys lose the thrill of “the chase,” their interest wanes. Try to keep him guessing a bit and see if that can rekindle some sparks in the bedroom.

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