Mean Betty on Jesus and Madonna

The couple has apparently broken up. Doesn't Jesus know Madonna does the leaving?

Mean Betty on Jesus and Madonna

The couple has apparently broken up. Doesn’t Jesus know Madonna does the leaving?

-Mean Betty

Jesus Luz Madonna

It is with much confusion that Mean Betty reads the news that Jesus Luz, he of the sultry pout and the abs that look so good in black and white, has “dumped” Madonna. Darlings, doesn’t he know … you cannot run from the un-dead?

Read Seven Reasons Why Madonna Is a Vampire

According to the Sun Times:

While it’s true that Madonna and Jesus Luz, her boytoy of the past year, have gone their separate ways — it not only was totally amicable, but it was Luz who initiated the split. Apparently, the 23-year-old Brazilian realized their age difference (she’s 51) and overall lack of mutual interests nixed a long-term relationship.

How long have they been dating? About a year? And he’s just now realizing how old she is? There’s only one explanation …

Her powers are growing weaker! Madonna must be losing her grip somehow, and her mind control ability is slipping. Witness her usurping at the Grammys by the new Empress of Pop Spectacle Lady GaGa. Why, Madge was nowhere to be found! Clearly, she needs fresh blood. And Mean Betty doesn’t doubt she will find it. Once she’s revitalized, Mean Betty would watch out if Mean Betty were Jesus Luz.

Of course you did hear the rumors floating around that A-Rod’s Madonna-obsession  was the cause of his breakup with Kate Hudson, and also that the Material Girl and the Centaur recently had naughty little weekend tryst. Mean Betty can’t say for sure if those rumors are true, but they do make sense, don’t they, kittens? A fading vampiress would go back to a past source of vitality, wouldn’t she?

One thing that’s nice about this little “break up” (we’ll just go on letting Jesus think he’s going to be allowed to walk away from America’s number one vampire), we won’t have to read any more disturbing baby rumors  about the couple. Shudder.

In other Madonna news, Lady M has apparently invested a tidy sum into Pura Vida, the Brazilian coconut water company. Which, obviously, is a ploy to trick us into thinking her main source of nourishment isn’t the blood of spry young things.

Keep your eyes out for the next developments, darlings! Remember, Madonna is in a constant state of “reinvention” … what will be her next trick?


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