He’s So Into You
Real Love Really Does Exist
Take it from these married men
Indulge, if you will, my stream of consciousness.
I began to watch season one of the HBO series Big Love (about polygamy) at approximately the same time I began to read the novel Loving Frank (about Frank Lloyd Wright’s mistress). I also, that same week, heard an actress remark during an interview that her brother had taught her many years ago that a man never fantasizes about his wife or girlfriend unless she has left or is denying him.
The sociologist in me became slightly obsessed with the concept of loving two (or more) women or men. I decided at that time to write an article about this very thing and set out to do my research. I wanted to learn about how men feel about their wives and about other women. All men have wandering eyes to varying degrees, right? Many men would cheat if it weren’t for the fear of getting caught. Men are dogs!
And so I talked to my man friends. I talked to man friends who trust me, and who I knew would be honest with me. And I asked them those tough questions. And you know what? I was wrong!
Yes, of course I know there are men out there who have wandering eyes, and there are plenty of men out there who stray. But you know what else? There are plenty of men out there who don’t.
My conversation with my friend John is the one that really changed my mind. He told me that in 17 years of marriage, he has never even had a crush on another woman. “Really?” I asked. “Not even a tiny little infatuation?” “No,” he said. He just doesn’t think about other women that way anymore.
And so, with my theory blown, I decided to look at a different angle. I sent an e-mail to all my man friends, this time asking for them to tell me why they fell in love with their wife, or what they love best about her now. I expected some nice, sweet, Valentine-ish proclamations or silly comments about their wives’ anatomy, which I was going to sculpt into a funny, irreverent look at why men love their wives.
And then I got the e-mails back.
I couldn’t stop reading them, and every single one made me cry.
I am going to leave you with the words of my man friends. These are just regular, normal, burping, farting men. They make their wives mad, and say stupid things and forget to put the toilet seat down. They are imperfect, and so are the women they love. But their words, more than anything, made me realize that despite what the media tells us, despite what we read in the headlines and watch at the movies, there are good men out there – good men who love us even when we’re bitchy, and when our asses get bigger, and when we drive them crazy. And even when they drive us crazy, they love us. And that’s something.
What do I love best about her now? Her unconditional acceptance of me and the kids. That together we are building a life — like a work of art in process, each time we do something it is another stroke on the canvas. I don’t know exactly how it all going to turn out but I know she is the major focus of the painting.
In short, besides her beauty (smile) which initially attracted me to her (and still does), Nancy has always believed in me. She gives me the encouragement and confidence to be more than I ever thought I could be. Selfless and amazing!
From Scott (get your hankies ready):
Let’s see, what made me fall in love with my wife?
Could it be her gorgeous brown eyes? Or maybe it’s her warm, beautiful smile? I know, it’s those freckles on her shoulders I always thought were kind of sexy.
Maybe it’s the way she laughs when she’s happy? Or maybe it’s the way she makes me happy too?
I know, I really fell in love with her when I first saw her in a wedding dress the day she said “I do!” Or maybe it was knowing I found someone I really could see spending the rest of my life with.
Maybe it was after breaking up with her in college and soon realizing I did the wrong thing. Or maybe it was her willingness to take me back even though she was really upset.
No, I know what it is. It’s not the 1 or the 2 but the 3 beautiful children she gave me. Because of these 3 children, we went from a “married couple” to a “FAMILY”!
Maybe it’s more than just the 3 children; maybe it’s being a parent with her and watching them grow up to be such good kids.
Or maybe … just maybe … it’s knowing that we’re slowly (but surely) growing old together, living our lives, loving one another … good times and bad … supporting … caring … and always … always … being there for each other.
Or could it be that someday … God willing … we will be old and gray, but when I look into those brown eyes, I will always see the beautiful young girl I fell in love with so many years ago.
Jennifer, somehow I think it’s all of the above!
Jennifer Trannon is a former public school teacher who is staying home to care for her three children. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.