What We Learned from Men’s Magazines in December
Another month, another list of things that shock, impress, and amuse us about guys.
It’s that time of the month again. No, we don’t mean that, we mean it’s time to reveal what we’ve learned this month from men’s magazines, and boy did we have fun rifling through them all. The December issues were chock full of gorgeous men in comfy sweaters and hunky celebs who we’ve been keeping our eyes on all year.
Aside from drooling over these photos, we managed to learn a whole new list of things about the opposite sex. Here’s what we found:
1. Some guys realize how futile watching sports is.
Matt Taibbi may not have many guy friends left after writing “Why Sports Are for Losers” in the December issue of Men’s Journal, but he’s just reiterating what we’ve been saying for years now: watching sports is a waste of time.
As Taibbi writes, “Men spend 340 nights a year following, with racing pulses and gritted teeth, sports teams doomed to disappoint them in 98 percent of cases.” Amen to that! Now we have a new way of yelling, “Shut that stupid game off!”
2. They know they’re hopeless at monogamy.
With all the cheating scandals this year (Tiger Woods, David Letterman, John Edwards, Mark Sanford, need we continue), Ian Daly writes in Details what we’ve all been thinking but have been too afraid to admit: “Monogamy is a myth.” Daly found a University of Washington study that says 28 percent of men in America will eventually cheat on their wives, and that 74 percent would if they knew they’d never be caught, according to infidelityfacts.com.
“We became the men we said we would never be,” writes Daly. “The kind who kiss their wives good night and then fantasize about the redhead who was on the next elliptical that morning.” Is there really no hope for us after all?
3. Even Tom Brady isn’t perfect. (And neither is Gisele.)
Known for always having football on the brain, GQ cover boy Tom Brady admits in an interview with Adam Rapaport that he sometimes tunes out his supermodel wife, Gisele Bundchen. “After losses, I don’t think much of anything other than the game,” he says. “This morning at breakfast, for instance, I was talking to her, but I just wasn’t there.”
Shame on you, Brady! You may be incredibly dreamy, and we may fantasize about being your wifey, but we don’t like to hear that an out-of-this-world beauty like Gisele can’t get her man to pay attention.
4. They think 1984 was the best year ever.
Man, those guys at Maxim really, really loved 1984, the year when Heather Locklear was the hottest babe in Hollywood and movies like The Terminator and Ghostbusters made box office gold. It’s been 25 years since that “tubular time,” but guys still can’t seem to let go of how great Who’s The Boss was, and they still have Bruce Springsteen’s Born in the U.S.A. playing on repeat.
If you’re still stumped on a holiday gift for your guy, we guess you can just Google “1984” and choose from whatever album, movie, or neon T-shirt pops up.