Am I the ONLY Wife Who Hates Telling My Husband What to Do?

I hate being The Shrew ... but how did he manage to survive life before he met me?

Am I the ONLY Wife Who Hates Telling My Husband What to Do?

I hate being The Shrew … but how did he manage to survive life before he met me?

– Melissa Chapman,

Nagging wife

I didn’t meet my husband until he was at the ripe old age of 38. Up until that point he had “SOMEHOW” managed (without my incessant prodding, reminding and NAGGING) to secure a job, an apartment and get even get dressed every morning. And yet after 12 years of marriage, this once COMPLETELY self-sufficient individual (did I mention he went through medical school, internship, residency and fellowship without a mere nudge from anyone) truly needs to wait for me to remind him what to do. And … I HATE IT!

I abhor being perceived (especially when in earshot of my kids) as “The Shrew” — the bad cop — the one who is always barking out my Honey-Do list and why the hell do I even need to draft up a Honey-Do list in the first place? Clearly this guy was able to successfully navigate life pre marriage and kids, so why do I always need to be the voice in his ear reminding him of the stuff that needs to get done?

My thoughts … if I just let fly — NOTHING would happen, and I really mean absolutely nothing. The leak that is threatening to cave in our roof would do just that; the roof would cave in.

But maybe that’s the best possible way to handle things so as not to appear shrewish in the eyes of onlookers, aka my kids. Although we live in the same house and I suspect experience the same surroundings, for some strange reason, my husband rarely picks up on stuff that needs to be done. (I know — he’s a smart guy working a seamless clueless cover.) Perhaps if I let said roof cave in, and teach my husband a lesson, next time he sees a leak in the roof he just might of his own volition use his trusty index finger to CALL a roofer. The only issue on my part I that I really don’t want to sit in a pool of water…

Are you too the shrew to your husband’s innocent “I’m just standing here I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing unless someone hands me a Honey-Do list” counterpart?


Melissa ChapmanMelissa Chapman blogs about her marriage and everything in between at Her work has appeared in The Staten Island Advance,, ABC News, BlogHer, Baby Center, Momtourage, Lifetime Moms, Babble, The Washington Post, Time Out NY Kids and iVillage.

Read all of her Betty columns here.


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16 thoughts on “Am I the ONLY Wife Who Hates Telling My Husband What to Do?

  1. Not to be rude, But ever thought of just shutting up. He might be doing it on purpose , so you get that he will do it when he is ready, Guys have a different timetabe in their head and the more you nag the more we put it on the back burner, you said yourself he did fine for 38years, so his system works, let him do it his way and if it bugs you that much that its not your timetable, Do it yourself.

  2. It really isn’t worth the argument & making yourself feel like crap because of what he will/won’t do. I don’t even argue w/my husband about it anymore. I keep the things that are important to me clean & let him do what he wants. I don’t nag him about anything-we’ve reached the point where he knows when I’ve had enough & he jumps to fix it. And I’m not his mommy, if he wants to leave his crap everywhere let him, I’m not picking it up. I have other things to take care of.

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