In Her Words

John McCain: Wife Swapper

What does this mean for us single girls?

-Carrie Seim

It's the classic cliché: Man marries gorgeous woman. Man gets taken prisoner of war. Woman waits eight years for man to return, faithfully raising their children and surviving a disfiguring car accident. Man returns, finds woman "changed" and dumps her for a girl half his age.

Sound like something out of a baudy telenovela? Try John McCain's biography. Or, as the Los Angeles Times reports, a version of events that John McCain conveniently alters in his biography.

Now I expect this sort of spousal switcheroo from hard-living celebrities. Peter Cook - you want to bang your 18-year-old assistant because you're bored with your 54-year-old supermodel of a wife. Be my guest. Madonna, you want to trade your 39-year-old B-List director for A-List ballplayer A-Rod aged a youthful 32 years? Your call, material girl.

But John McCain? The presumptive Republican nominee for President of the United States? The man running on a platform of protecting "traditional marriage" and "preserving the family?"
I expected more from you, Senator.

And I wonder, if McCain is elected president, will this pattern continue? Will he find the centuries-old U.S. relationship with the U.K. monotonous and unexciting? Maybe he'll try to spice things up with a newer, younger paramour. A tryst with sprightly Montenegro, perhaps?

But more importantly, what does this all mean for me?

I want to marry someone who will grow old along with me, not trade me in for a younger, shapelier beer princess. But if beloved war hero John McCain could send back his first drink for a fresher one, so could anyone. Dare I have the audacity to hope for a life-long husband?

In the most disturbing paragraph of the L.A. Times article, Cindy McCain is quoted from a Jay Leno appearance recounting the night she first met John (who, incidentally was married). "He kind of chased me around...the hors d'oeuvre table," she said. "I was trying to get something to eat and I thought ‘This guy's kind of weird.' I was kind of trying to get away from him."

So I'd like to close with some advice and a warning.

First, the advice. Cindy McCain - if there's any justice in this world, you'll follow your initial instincts and get the hell away from John. Dump him and his 400-page medical history while you still have enough pretty little pale ale to draft a new draught.

And now, the warning. Barack Obama - if you ever cheat on Michelle with some young presidential intern in a fetching Gap dress, I will call for the age-old method of justice. Jess Jackson has my back on this one.

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