Finding You In Football
10 tips to cheering yourself on and surviving football season with your mate
-Nicole Johnson, Fresh Brewed Life
A few years ago I wrote a performance piece called “First and Goal.” It opened with these lines describing a woman’s day, delivered in the style of a football commentator: “What a game this has been so far today … She’s been to the cleaners, she’s picking up her son from school, she’s making lasagna for dinner, she hooks right to finish that proposal for work, aargh! She just got hit by a call from her mother!”
Our lives really do parallel the game of football – women spend more time rushing than any running back in the NFL. And now, with football season on us once again, I thought it would be fun to provide some Fresh Brewed Life tips for surviving the season:
1. Take a night OFF from cooking and fix pretzels for dinner.
2. Never invite your interior designer over during the game.
3. Remind yourself that the women in the beer commercials have problems, too.
4. Avoid “foot in mouth” disease by knowing the color of your team’s “away” jersey.
5. Don’t focus on the criminal records of any of the players.
6. Mourn a loss for days on end – even wearing black is appropriate.
7. Always remember: This is not a time to cuddle, make financial decisions, discuss the kids or talk about your relationship.
And if you forget the above tips, here are three questions you should never ask during a game:
8. When the game is over, do you want to go to the mall?
9. We need a new couch; which of these fabrics do you like best?
10. What are you thinking about?