13 Questions You Should Never Ask at Thanksgiving

Here's your guide to surviving Turkey Day with as little fuss and confrontation as possible!
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7. Don’t ask: “Did you ever finish that project/career change/ book/ life-altering decision from last year?”

Unless you want to hear: “I did not.”

8. Don’t ask: “Do you remember when you were a little girl and I used to take care of you when your mom was away?”

Unless you want to hear: “Oh my god. I suddenly do. I must have blocked that out.”

9. Don’t ask: “Do you have a vegetarian option?”

Unless you are celebrating Thanksgiving on an airplane. Face it, this is not your day. Just eat the candied yams and ride it out.

10. Don’t ask: “Will you marry me?”

Unless you want to hear that crazy relative answer first and kill the mood. Contrary to what rom-coms will have you believe, Thanksgiving dinner is not ideal for super romantic moments. See the next question for more information…

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11. Don’t ask: “Bet ya [mumble, mumble, elbow jab] in the sack, eh?”

Unless you’ve embraced your role as the drunk uncle who creeps out the the newly engaged couple by harping on their sex life.

12. Don’t ask: “Where’s the bathroom?”

Unless you want to go to the guest bathroom, which by the end of the night is a devastated war-zone with a vigil candle. (Pumpkin spice!) Instead, just slip away when nobody’s paying attention and wander into the perfectly untarnished master bathroom oasis. There is your sanctuary of tinctures, furry toilet seating and trivia almanacs. You’ve got about 20 minutes until people start asking where you went.

13. And finally, don’t ask: “Where did you go for so long?”

Unless you want to embarrass someone who just spent the past 20 minutes in a bathroom.

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7 thoughts on “13 Questions You Should Never Ask at Thanksgiving

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  2. Is this the name of an actual Church, the Church of What Wants to Happen. It sound good and very calming. I am located in Africa Ghana, please we need a branch here. I am in a relation with a man we have planned to marry and the relationship is dwindling i think i will take it to the church of what wants to happen. I want peace that a this..Thanks for sharing your church with me.

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