5 Signs He's Not the Guy For You

Is he committed to your relationship? Not if you're seeing these red flags.
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5 Signs He’s Not the Guy For You

Is he committed to your relationship? Not if you’re seeing these red flags.

-Carolyn French

Unhappy couple

When it comes to relationships, the Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin, summed it up best. It all boils down to one very important thing: R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

As any good couples therapist will tell you, the “R-word” is crucial for a serious, committed relationship; without it, you’re on a dead-end road. How do you know which direction you’re headed in? When it comes right down to it, his actions almost always speak louder than his words.

Here, five signs your guy may not be in it for the long haul:

1. He’s not thinking about the future.
Planning ahead, or at least having some general goals, is the key to a stable and satisfying life, as well as a stable and satisfying relationship.

“Most people go into a relationship with some idea of what they want out of it,” explains Minneapolis-based relationship expert Cami Zimmer. “In order for a relationship to be satisfying, partners must set clear goals that both partners can agree on.”

And those goals don’t have to be all about you or the relationship to be illuminating. For example, if your guy doesn’t seem to care about finding or hanging onto a decent job, or has no clue about where he wants to be in 10 years, chances are a serious, long-term relationship isn’t on his to-do list, either.

Read How to Get Over Mr. Wrong and Find Mr. Right

2. He goes MIA on special occasions.
When you’re a couple, certain events — birthdays, anniversaries, career-related events — require extra attention.

It’s no secret that guys can be forgetful creatures (though ask any man when World Series tickets are going on sale and he’ll probably rattle off the exact time and date in two seconds flat), but you shouldn’t have to remind him twice when your birthday is – or worry that he won’t show up when he promised to escort you to a super important work event.

“Missing things every once in a while is fine, but when it happens all the time, it means that his priorities don’t include you,” says Zimmer.


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0 thoughts on “5 Signs He's Not the Guy For You

  1. Ann13 says:

    These are all very good points. Respect really makes a difference …

  2. FBNYC says:

    Great article! “Ask any man when World Series tickets are going on sale and he

  3. Candice says:

    Couldn’t have said it better ….

  4. jessica03 says:

    All of these tips are helpful. Respect is the number one key for a successful relationship, then comes trust and commitment.

  5. bryony1 says:

    I don’t disagree with these points, but I’m very curious how one gets to be a “relationship expert.” I’ve never seen it as a major or even minor at any college

  6. Asha777 says:

    3 is true and so irritating when it happens… I could only see an argument coming on as a result of such secrecy at all times.

  7. connie1118 says:

    All these are flags for sure, but when the sex is really great, it can cover up for alot of flags! We’ve all been there, the attraction is just so strong (usually just one sided); we just block out the fact that…he never mentions a future, he is MIA, leaves you hanging, don’t have money to do special things for you, won’t dedicate an entire weekend with you without a cell phone or pager going off, puts off meeting your family or friends, puts you down, insults your personality or clothes you wear, points out your flaws on a regular basis, won’t accept small tokens of love from you because it makes him feel guilty that he knows he really just don’t care, he still thinks a strip club is okay, or you can’t be sure if he’s really going to call you back….there are more, but if the apple of your eye falls into any of these categories, he’s probably NOT A KEEPER.

  8. uptowngirl says:

    All of these points have sent me packing in the past!

  9. purplehog1999 says:

    I have had my share of men for a while,right now i want to get to know myself better and become my own friend

  10. kylie-b says:

    all too familiar

  11. Jinxy says:

    I do know that you cannot fix another person, that people can change but not very much. I found if I get one red flag I cut my losses and move on with as little muss and fuss as possible. If anyone did anyone one of those things I’d be too busy for the rest of my life to bother with them again. I think women settle to easily, or think they want a marriage and family and take what is available and that the man will improve. Dating is probably the easiest time in a relationship – don’t settle no matter what, and I think that explains our incredibly high divorce rate. You can’t live with men who are eternal selfish children, nobody can.

  12. rissbabe says:

    Hell i’m stuck in a relationship right now and i’m having all of these issues. Except the one about the future. That’s the only thing he will talk about sometimes. The only reason i can’t get out is cause i can’t find work i have no transportation anymore cause i have no money and i got no where to go if i leave him. I feel like an idiot cause i keep staying with him but i just can’t seem to find the means to leave.

  13. hula says:

    My big ones were 1,3 and 5. My relationship just recently ended because of these issues. He had two jobs and made good money but was very stingy with it!

    We would NEVER go out to eat because heaven for bid he would have to pay. The rare once in a life time dinners we ever did go to, he would make faces like “are you going to pay for that?” at me if I ever add anything extra onto my meal like a salad or something.

    He would also only want to do activities with his friends and not with me. If his friends invited him somewhere he would do what they wanted and go at the drop of a hat. When is came to us doing activities the closest thing we would do is sit in his room while he played video games.

    Those were just a few of the issues.

    I was so hurt and couldn’t handle it anymore. I realized I didn’t want to waste my life away and settle so I had to move on.

  14. sid07 says:

    This is all great, about men and all, but what about the women that does these things, its not only men, i just broke up with what i thought was a grown up woman (31), but when she spoke about her future or financial issue’s i was never included, she always put everything else before me, never took a minute of her day to call or txt me to see how my day was going, but i did to her,,women have these issue’s just as much as men does, i put alot into her and got nothing for it..its a shame that people can be so blind to a good thing, and hurt someone that cared and wanted a future together, and honestly is hard to find that anymore..

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