2. The disappearing act.
“It’s not you, it’s me.” Reality check: It’s you. Whether he’s not ready to be in a relationship or needs to spend more time at the office; whether he’s not over his ex or wants more alone time; his behavior is speaking volumes about what is really going on. Everything has changed, and he’s letting you know this every time it takes him two days to return your call or when he’s no longer available for Friday night dates (except for an occasional last minute booty call.)
Suzanne, 24, law student: He started coming up with these lame excuses why he wasn’t available-his mom was in town, his cat was sick, his sister was upset due to a recent break-up – all possible, but they started adding up to someone who didn’t seem to be interested in me anymore.
3. Four little words: “Let’s take a break.”
Unless the break he’s referring to is one where he whisks you off to a romantic getaway on some exotic island, he’s looking for the nearest exit. Why not return the favor with a one-way ticket out of this pseudo-relationship and make room for someone who may actually be interested in you.
Kirstin, 33, writer: We were really hitting off for about the first few months, seeing each other regularly. Then he began showing up late and canceling dates at the last minute and then he said he needed some “space.” We just kind of fizzled out.
4. He suddenly cares about his appearance.
Has your steadfast jeans and T-shirts guy replaced his wardrobe with new trendy apparel? Has this once unfashionisto turned into the quintessential meterosexual who now wouldn’t be caught dead leaving the house without dousing himself with cologne even if only to walk the dog? An extreme change in appearance could mean a change of mind—and heart—as he begins to look elsewhere.
Liz, 34, graphic designer: When he started to becoming overly concerned about his appearance, I started wondering if there was someone else. (There was.)
5. He only wants to go out in groups.
When dating turns into a group affair, it may be time to consider a solo act – at least until you find that special someone who wouldn’t dream of sharing his time with you with a bunch of his buddies.
Robin, 33, dental hygienist: I knew he lost interest when he started suggesting we go out with a group of his friends, and these group invites started to slow up as well.
His protests that he was out of cell range coupled with his need to spend most nights with his dog should offer you the 411 on what’s really going on. The more you continue to make excuses for his bad behavior, the more you linger in a relationship that is going nowhere fast. Perhaps acclaimed poet, Maya Angelou said it best when she said: “When people show you who they are believe them.” She has a point, because when it comes to matters of the heart, actions do speak louder than words.