5 Ways to Wreck a Relationship
Sometimes it’s the little things that can derail a relationship.
Relationships end for a lot of reasons. Sometimes it’s with a whimper and not with the bang of infidelity or irreconcilable differences. Many times a relationship can end when one partner isn’t supportive or just doesn’t listen. Over time, trust and love will erode.Dr. Seth Meyers, a licensed clinical psychologist has been on The Dr. Drew Show, The Doctors, Good Morning America, and The Early Show. He’s also a Psychology Today blogger and the author of Dr. Seth’s Love Prescription: Overcome Relationship Repetition Syndrome and Find the Love You Deserve. He’s identified the five common relationship issues that can slowly, but surely wreck a relationship.
“When your partner says or does something that makes you feel angry, sad or insecure, try telling yourself not to overreact and to hear your partner out without interruption,” says Dr. Seth. He suggests that instead of fighting it our right then and there, take some time to cool down and think about what is going on, then talk about it.
We all know that this can irritate your partner, but it can also push your relationship to its limits. “Choose your battles with your partner – acting like a nagging mother or harping on an issue will not fix a situation and bring you closer, it will only push your partner further away.” If you ask your partner if you nag, and they tell you “yes,” then you need to work on your communication skills and listen, really listen to the way you talk to your partner.
“Men and women both want the same thing, someone confident and strong, not someone they need to reassure like a toddler,” says Dr. Seth. “No one wants a patient for a partner, so don’t turn your partner into your therapist–you’ll burn them out and they will start to detach from you,” cautions Dr. Seth. Instead, he suggests “coming out of the Insecurities Closet” by making a list of your primary insecurities, such as weight/body issues or fears of loss of attraction, and reviewing it together. He also finds journaling goals to self-heal the insecurities or seeking a trained psychotherapist extremely helpful.
‘Try monitoring the amount of alone time you have, as no couple should be spending all their free time together,” says Dr. Seth. He suggests pursuing an activity on your own, such as going to the gym or taking a fun class at your local community college. No one person can be your “everything.” By pushing one person to fulfill all your needs, you’ll never experience your independence, and you can possibly smother them, then drive them away.
5. Compulsive behaviors
An increase in frequency of substance use, shopping, impulsive purchases, or going out will often make the grounded partner very anxious, destabilizing the relationship and causing it to end.” Potentially dangerous, Dr. Seth advises that compulsive behaviors should be addressed immediately. “Own up to your excessive behavior, tell your partner you are taking steps to put a stop to it, and ask your partner how your actions have impacted them to validate their feelings,” says Dr. Seth.
For more information on this topic, clinical expertise on romantic relationships, or to learn more about Dr. Seth Meyers, please visit his site.
PJ Gach is Senior Editor: Style + Beauty at BettyConfidential.