ASK REAL GUYS
Dear ASK REAL GUYS: I am happily married to my hubby of seven years. I also have a second best friend who is a guy, who is very much in love with his girlfriend. I think of my second best friend as a big brother, we have always been comfortable around one another and get on really well. He was deployed for two months and just got back a couple of days ago. This has happened many times, and each time he leaves we always keep in touch via e-mail, and every once in a while we actually chat over the phone.
Well a couple of weeks before he came home, I noticed that he started talking non-stop about wanting to see his girlfriend – and he was very candid about it, if you know what I mean. It was gross for me because I see him as a brother, and who wants to think or talk about their siblings doing it? He kept going on and on and it seemed like he was trying really hard not to let me forget how bad he wanted her. Long story short, I brushed it off and told him to have fun.
Well earlier tonight his girlfriend threw a sort of welcome-home party since he returned a couple of days ago. My friend used to give big bear hugs and such upon returning, and this time when I walked through the door he just glanced at me before quickly looking down and exciting the room! I was shocked by his lack of affection. He did come back in, but he was talking on the phone. While he was chatting I went up to him in order to give a friendly side-hug, but he kept talking and wouldn’t hug back. He walked out of the room once more soon after that. Once he got off the phone he went outside to shoot the breeze with my hubby. He wouldn’t say a word to me, or even look at me. I have known him for years and all of a sudden he starts acting this way? He is normally so open, it didn’t make sense. Because he didn’t look at me all throughout dinner, I decided that if he was going to act that way I would as well. So I pretended like he didn’t exist, and after about 10 minutes of this he began to talk to me. I was still angry which caused me to be short with him. Since I was basically ignoring him he suddenly got worried that I was annoyed, and he asked my husband if this was indeed the case. My hubby said “no” even though they could both tell that something was up. My friend kept trying harder and harder to get my attention. He eventually knelt down in front of me when I was off talking to my girlfriends, so I smiled curtly and then went back to chatting. Afterwards I told my hubby that I wanted to leave, due to my friend’s behavior. I kept hoping that he was simply tired from traveling overseas.
When we were leaving I hugged everyone except for my friend, which led to him following me and my hubby outside to ask if I was angry about something. Why wouldn’t I be? If something was bothering him he could have told me, instead of acting like a total jerk. I said that he didn’t do anything wrong, and I gave him a hug before I left. I ended up calling him later on to say I was sorry if I came off rude, and I also said that everything was good between us. I still wish to know why he behaved the way he did, and I’m wondering if you have any advice? I know him pretty well, but this is new territory for me.
Avery: You have such a close friendship with this guy that can easily be cleared up with a one-on-one conversation where you can both go over that weird party day and figure out what’s up. You may have to tell him that you love him like a brother and that giving you details about what he wants to do with his girlfriend is just weird because of your guys’ relationship. If you can’t clear it up that way, I’d write him an e-mail or letter, telling him how much his friendship means to you and asking him if there’s anything going on that triggered the behavior that you saw at the party.