Am I a Loser?

A man seeks advice about how to pull himself up by his boot straps.

Your Career Coach

Wasting Away in Loserville?

Dear Michele,

Help me! I’m a 40-year-old man who is directionless. I’m trying hard but I am stuck in the wrong relationship, have a 20-year dead end public service job, and am controlled by a dominant mother – who I bought a unit close to. I am very unhappy but have kept my sense of humor which keeps me going. I use drinking, gambling and overeating to keep my emotions in check. I make up plans and dreams/goals but I keep not following through. Am I getting towards “loser stage” or am I already there? I have zero energy, but I love music and singing in choirs which helps to  energize me somewhat. I just recently finished a three-week choir practice for the finale which went well. Any advice would be great. Thanks.

— Wondering Guy

Dear Guy,

I’m glad you have a sense of humor and find some joy in singing and music — hey, you got that going for you! But let’s get serious for a minute because the life you describe has a couple of warning signs flashing red for me. Drinking and gambling and eating to keep your emotions in check? Honey, that’s not good for you. So, here’s my serious suggestion: Please see a competent therapist.

Find someone who specializes in working with men, and particularly men who are entering their mid-life passage. One-on-one counseling will give you a deeper understanding of why you’re stuck and why you’re drinking and gambling and eating so much. You’ll get tools to start to shift your life into something inspiring and motivating. You have the right to live a fulfilling life — please take the first step to put you on that path.

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