An Ode to Gerard Butler’s Lost Abs
We’re moved to poetry by the 300 star’s surprising new physique.
-Betty’s Poet Laureate
What has happened to you, Gerard Butler,
You’re now a fatty, you’ve lost your luster.
We see you’re in Barbados, perhaps on vacation,
That’s no excuse, we demand an explanation.
We fell in love with your Spartan physique,
In our knees you made us all weak.
We watched 300 for your ripped abdominal
You were nearly naked, your ass looked phenomenal.
But now you’ve lost your abs and gained man breasts
Of this sudden transformation we doth protest.
We’re also not a fan of these shorts that are pink,
Your wardrobe selections we suggest you rethink.
You’re all gross, looking blubbery and bloated
You’re off our list of hotties, you’ve been demoted.
We don’t mean to whine but we must complain,
You need a gym, Weight Watchers or Jack LaLane.
You fought the paparazzi, lost your looks and all your muscle,
You remind us of a guy, last name Crowe, first name Russell.
On criminal charges of assault you were acquitted,
Now please put on a shirt, not one that is fitted.
Your new appearance is beyond uncouth,
Sorry, Gerry, that’s just that’s the ugly truth.
Betty’s Poet Laureate spends more time than she’d like to admit reclining on her sofa, eating grapes and writing love sonnets to Jon Stewart.