Are the Real Housewives Coming to Beverly Hills?
Choose the Cast for the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
Oh, those pesky Real Housewives. First they infested Orange County, then they blighted New York, next it was an attack on Atlanta and currently they’re trashing New Jersey – quite the feat. Now Bravo’s threatening to bring those backstabbing little behinds to Beverly Hills.
TMZ uncovered this ad casting for B.H. housewives:
“Bravo is looking for outgoing, exciting, strong, focused women who reside in and around the Beverly Hills area that want to share their lives.
“We are looking for women who are lively and energetic, with defined opinions and views. Our featured women should have busy lives, be involved with the community, have a strong work ethic, and an active social calendar.”
Oh no they didn’t.
Beverly Hills is my neighborhood, biotches. Okay, technically I live in Beverly Hills adjacent. But still, I feel compelled to speak out against this potential peril to my community.
Sure, Beverly Hills has enough spoiled, selfish housewives to pave a tummy-tucked toll bridge to Alaska. But does Bravo really have to make a TV show about them?
Heads up, Bravo producers – someone’s already done that show already – like 100 times. Sometimes it’s called Access Hollywood, sometimes it’s called Celebrity Justice, sometimes it’s called Celebrity Rehab and sometimes it’s called the Channel 4 News at 11.
Like so many senators voting against the closing of Guantanamo Bay this week – I’m shouting “Not In My Backyard!” to these horrid homemakers.
If my pleas go unanswered and we’re forced to endure a Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, who would be your dream cast?
Here’s a photo gallery of my dream team:
Jennifer Aniston – No, America’s Sweetheart is not currently married. But that’s no longer a requirement to make it on Real Housewives. You can be married, divorced or single – as long as you have too much money, too much hot body or too much self-obsession. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say Jen qualifies on all counts. Aren’t you dying to see how the former Mrs. Pitt keeps house – and where she keeps all of her young, pretty lovahs? Fingers crossed Courteney Cox would drop by for frequent sleep-overs.
Eva Longoria Parker – Nothing like gazing into the real life of a Desperate Housewife to create some TV magic. Eva’s an accomplished, driven, diva – just what the housewives ordered. Plus, I’ve spent more time than I care to admit imagining segments with her husband, Tony Parker, lounging poolside without a shirt.
Candy Spelling - Ungodly rich, slightly reclusive, aging ungracefully. If Bravo ever creates a Real Housewives Senior Edition, Candy better be headlining. I’ve included her in this lineup because I’m dying to see Tori “drop by” and have a throw-down with her millionaire mama on the marble floor of one of Candy’s 67.5 bathrooms.
Heidi Montag - Ahh, young, ill-advised love. Heidi and Spencer‘s marriage would bring a breath of fresh, naïve, marital disaster to the series. Gentlemen, start your divorce clocks!
Britney Spears – She didn’t call her last album Circus for nothin’. How many bald heads would we have to sacrifice to get a daily peek into Brit’s bananas household? I’m guessing Britney Spears makes Joan Crawford look like mother of the year.
Gigi Levangie Grazer – Gigi is the author of Starter Wife and the ex-wife of Hollywood producer Brian Grazer. She demanded nearly $1 million per month in spousal and child support following their breakup. It doesn’t get more Hollywood housewife than this – who needs the actual husband when you’ve got a best-selling book and a cool mil per month in payouts?