Betty Series: Office Etiquette
Please P in the Ool
Bathroom etiquette for offices everywhere
I think we can all agree that there is a certain etiquette for just about everything – sending thank-you notes, dining, business meetings, etc.
There is also a certain office bathroom etiquette, right? I know I can’t be the only one here who notices a complete lack of bathroom manners. Let’s get it straight: Just because we work in an office together does not mean I want to clean your pubes off the seat when I have to pee!
BEVs (bathroom etiquette violations) that I have observed in my years of working in the office include everything from the very common someone forgot to flush allllllllllllllllllll the way to someone decided to go number two and then SMEAR IT ON THE WALLS. Twice. In the same day. And then again the next week. (I am not even kidding, this really happened).
Basic rules that should be followed:
1. Flush the toilet. Then turn around and look. If the water isn’t clear, for the love of all that is sacred, flush it again. I do not want to walk in on whatever is left there.
2. Aunt Flo visiting? Wrap your used products and dispose of them properly. Do not leave them sitting on top of the little can. Do not leave them floating in the toilet. Do NOT leave them on the floor. Do not leave them on the back of the toilet. NO.
3. If you are au naturale, good for you, mad props for bucking the current trend toward feminine baldness. I still don’t want to have to see it. That stays in your pants, not all over the toilet seat. While we’re on this subject: do your personal grooming AT HOME. (Yep, I’ve witnessed this one, too!)
4. If there are more than two stalls, and we are the only two people in the bathroom, you do not need to pick the one right next to me. It’s all about personal space, people! In the same vein – we don’t need to talk while we are both in-stall. I realize lots of people are completely comfortable with this, but I think it’s a little weird, so err on the side of caution and pleeeease don’t talk to me while I’m trying to pee!
5. Don’t take your work with you. Even if you are only leaving it on the counter while you go, nonononono! Leave it outside the bathroom. In case you are wondering, YES, everyone WILL wonder if you took it in the stall with you. Best case scenario, you end up like George in the classic Seinfeld episode “The Bookstore.” It is not true that if it weren’t for the toilet, there would be no books – and the same goes for your work!
6. Please p in the ool. You’ve seen the signs asking you not to pee in the pool. This is one case where you really should. Pee in the pool, that is. Do not pee on the toilet seat. Do not pee on the floor. Do not pee anywhere except IN the toilet. If you MUST use the barroom squat because you are too afraid of getting germs on your heinie, check to make sure you didn’t pee on the seat.