Completely Indecisive

A woman seeks advice on what to do about a man who can't seem to make up his mind.

What Would Debbie Do?

Utterly Indecisive

Dear Debbie,

I met a guy last February in Sudan – we were doing charity work and started to like one another. By chance he happened to be travelling to the same US state that I was, and he introduced me to his parents (I later introduced him to mine). We began to date in May, and I stayed with him until August, at which point I had to fly to Egypt (where I live) but I returned to him for five days in September.

He came to visit me in January, but I was very annoyed that he hadn’t called at all beforehand. His behavior was also off; I know he has trouble showing his feelings but when I picked him up from the airport he was extremely cold to me. The next day I confronted him about his behavior and lack of communication, and he said “I’m free to do what I want.” He stated that he didn’t feel like calling me, and then he said he just wanted to be friends! After talking some more, I found out that he wasn’t interested in a serious relationship. I was so hurt, waiting for him all those months for nothing. Now he calls me constantly, and one time he even said “say hi to your parents.” Why does he suddenly care about them?

He called me on Christmas and said that I had to go hang out with him, and when I said no he got upset and yelled. I decided to go in the end because I still love him. He danced with me so intimately, as if he still liked me. I don’t know what to do, he calls me all the time but we aren’t dating. What do you think?


Dear Bemused,

OK, here’s my assessment: He’s just not that into you.

I think you’re hanging on every word this guy says, and you’re not seeing what he’s doing – which is distancing himself from you in every way possible. It seems to me that you’ve already decided that this guy “really does like you” but you’re choosing not to believe it when he’s distant or non-responsive. The best way to see if you have any chance at all with him is to completely disappear. Don’t call him, don’t be available, don’t text him. If he really likes you, he’ll seek you out. If he doesn’t, then take note. That’s what I would do.

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