Conveyor Belt of No-They-Didn't!

New speed dating show Conveyor Belt of Love is spectacularly awful.
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Conveyor Belt of LoveAs each man floats by, he’s allotted 60 seconds to impress the girls. The chesty chicas carry highly sophisticated signs (cheap Plexiglas covered in fingerprints) that they can flip between “Interested” and “Not Interested.” Those men who pass muster are plucked from the belt. But – in a shocking twist! – they can be traded at any point if a newer, shinier model comes rolling down the line.

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This is what we’ve come to. Dating isn’t just another reality TV sport. It’s now a white elephant gift exchange.

The show’s instant star is Keiko, a hilarious bachelorette who uses her 15 seconds of fame to create an indelible reality TV persona. She’s a lot like Lucy Liu’s character from Ally McBeal. On acid.

By way of introducing herself to America, Keiko pouts, “I can break down the biggest player on Earth. That’s my gift.” And after picking a bachelor who rolls down the belt in a Speedo while carrying a purse-size-pooch, she whispers to him, “I want you to worship me.”

Conveyor Belt of Love

Unfortunately, Keiko, I think we kind of already do.

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