Detox is a Myth

Why detoxing doesn't do anything for you.

Scoop

Debunking Detox

Gwyneth Paltrow vows to quit her fattie lifestyle

-Judy McGuire

Gwyneth PaltrowMost people’s resolutions involve losing weight or quitting a bad habit, like a shady boyfriend or smoking. I never make them because I always break them by January 2 and growing up Catholic left me with enough guilt – I don’t need any extra.

But apparently Gwyneth Paltrow did. The already somewhat skeletal starlet vowed to join the rest of America by shedding some post-holiday pounds. As she shared with subscribers to her GOOP  newsletter, “you can detox easily and effectively while you continue to eat as long as you are cutting out the foods and other substances that interfere with the detoxification process.”

According to Gwynnie, these interfering foods include: Dairy (is a life without cheese worth living?), grains with gluten, meat (ditto a life without steak), shellfish (mmmm, I guess that means oysters Rockefeller are out) anything processed (leggo my Eggo!), fatty nuts, nightshades (potatoes, tomatoes, peppers and eggplant), condiments, sugar and “obviously no alcohol, caffeine or soda.” On what planet is eliminating alcohol “obvious?”

Leaving Gwyneth with a diet of clear broth, fresh fruits and leafy green vegetables. Oh, and air. As much as she can gulp into her malnourished little lungs.

But I wonder if she read this story in the Guardian that says this whole “detox” fad is just a bunch of crap (freshly colonic’ed crap, natch). The paper quoted award-winning science author/scientist Dr. John Emsley as saying: “There is no scientific reason for people to waste time and money on so-called detox regimes, fancy diets, or expensive remedies, none of which can compare to the detox system that is already inbuilt into our natural system.”

Hear that, Gwyneth? Go eat a donut! And while we’re calling out celebs, at least Gwyneth cops to not-eating and working out 24/7. Which is more than I can say for Kate Winslet. I’m sorry Kate – I love you, but you did not get that bangin’ bod from 20 minutes of Pilates a day. Why must celebrities lie and say they came by their fab assets naturally? Is it just to make us flabby mortals feel even worse about ourselves?

Oh, but I digress . . . the most shocking news to come out of the detox story is this: You know those Kenoki detoxifying foot pads that are supposed to suck all the toxins in your body out through your feet? The scientists say they don’t work either. Harumph. If you can’t count on late-night infomercials, who can you count on? Next thing they’ll be telling us there’s no Santa Claus. . . .

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0 thoughts on “Detox is a Myth

  1. CaliGal says:

    Man! And I almost bought those foot pads!!

  2. ugogirl says:

    lucky i have natural foot pads :-) it i had to cut out the foods gwyneth labels interfering i would die of starvation and depression. i guess i would naturally detox after that!

  3. april says:

    I love the point here about Kate Winslet’s miracle Pilates regime. I mean, REALLY.

  4. vchin says:

    has anyone tried those foot pads?

  5. cedarswarm says:

    Although many companies are capitalizing on the detox idea with unnecessary and expensive products, there are certainly some basic principles to aid the body in it’s natural process of cleansing. It’s naive to think that your system will do just as well eating donuts as it will eating whole fruits and vegetables. That should be common sense. I have personally done a month long detox process where I ate no red meat, no sugar, salt, caffeine, dairy, alcohol, or gluten, and I never felt better. So what did I eat? Everyone always asks that, like there is nothing else in the grocery store but boxed food. What I ate was whole fruits and vegetables, brown rice and other non wheat grains, and chicken or fish. Yes it took discipline, but I lost weight, my skin was clearer, I slept better, and overall just felt much more energetic. To me it’s analogous to what happened when I quit smoking. I didn’t realize I wasn’t feeling that well until I stopped smoking, and noticed all sorts of little improvements. I just thought how I felt was normal because I didn’t know anything different.

    I suggest that the author take the time to go through a healthy, rational, reasonable detox process, and see for herself how it feels. You don’t need to buy foot pads and detox kits and whatever else they try to sell you as a magic cure. You just need to commit to healthy eating, exercise, and lifestyle choices, and let your body take care of the rest. It sounds like that’s what Gwyneth Paltrow is doing, and bravo to her.

  6. CM-JJordan says:

    I highly doubt Judy believes that eating a donut is detoxifying- that was humor. I love your sarcastic sense of humor Judy!

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