The Single Life
How to Avoid the No-Brainers
The right fantasy can help you avoid an ugly reality
If you read my piece on Hiding from the Exes, you may recall that I was about as mature as a 12-year-old when it came to ending relationships. Feigning illness, moving to Angola, and performing Houdini disappearing acts were not beneath me. Now, with (slightly) more maturity on my side I decided that I would behave much better in relationships-from start to finish. I decided to put some rules in place to mitigate my usual pitfalls.
Rule #1: Do not get involved unless there is clear cut potential. (No more aspiring Italian movie stars). Navigating my 19 fantasy crushes became much easier with Rule #1. Most of the men I safely had teenage crushes on were no more fit for a relationship than a pet hamster. I can now easily make crushes go away by having my men star in imaginary scenarios:
• Having dinner with my business associates. This safely nixes the screen-print t-shirt wearing bohemian artists. While they may be engaging at a CD-release party, business dinners are another story. You cannot invite someone who thinks the stock market is where you buy prosciutto to hang out with your work colleagues.
• Meeting my Grandmother. This safely ensures I don’t fall for the successful playboys that seem to dominate the city. This isn’t because my Granny is a sweet little old biddy – she’d insist they shoot whiskey and play cards with her – but she can sure see through any poker face. And a man that can rival my Granny’s hand is a keeper.
• Participating in a morning run. Now they don’t have to qualify for the Boston marathon, but if they wheeze and fall over after half a mile? Well . . . what would that say for their cardiovascular ability for “other” types of marathons? Strength outdoors means strength indoors.