ASK REAL GUYS
Attracted to a Married Colleague
Dear ASK REAL GUYS: I like a guy I work with, who is a very respectable figure in the company. I am recently widowed, and he is happily married. Despite this obstacle I am convinced that he’s attracted to me. We have gone out three times in the pretense of discussing work. He is much older than me and he feels protective over me due to my recent loss. He shows all the signs of liking me, and being vulnerable how can I resist such attention? Being a decent married man he has tried to avoid me, but I guess he keeps failing because when I ask him out he agrees immediately. He was the first to hint at going out but it was me who initiated it.
My questions are: Should I initiate the going out for a drink whenever he hints, or should I just do nothing and let him ask? What if he never asks? Knowing that he really likes me (but is married) will he continue to pursue our relationship even if he tries not to? Are men able to resist these temptations?
FYI, in Muslim law men are allowed to marry more than one woman. I am a very attractive lady and he is average looking, but holds a high and respectable position, as I have previously stated. I’m wondering what normally happens next in a situation such as ours; can we just be friends for as long as we work together, or is there no such thing as just friends once you fall for someone? I am so lost, please advise. Thanks!
Matt: You should respect the fact that he is married and not initiate contact with him. There’s nothing wrong with being friends at work, but leave it at that. In the U.S., polygamy is illegal, so I would not consider that as a factor. Being an attractive lady should leave you opportunities with other men that are not married – pursue elsewhere.