Getting Mixed Messages

A woman seeks advice about whether or not she should try to meet a certain man in person.


Mixed Messages

Dear ASK REAL GUYS: I’ve been involved in a serious online relationship for about a year. We’ve known each other online since 2005, but became much closer and involved this year. We’ve tried to meet in person a few times, but each time one of us could not make it due to financial restrictions or other obligations.

Now this man’s contact with me is dwindling and he also seems a bit edgier than before. I still want to meet him to determine if the intense feelings I have for him are based in reality and see if he feels like he says he does. When we do talk, we still seem to have the attraction and desire to be together. Over the past few weeks, I’ve asked him if he still wants to pursue this relationship and meet, but he doesn’t answer my questions, or just changes the subject. I’m wondering if he’s just frustrated, or if he has already lost interest, or maybe he feels like I’m being too pushy.

I’m getting mixed messages and I’m thinking I should just call it off altogether, but as soon as I make the decision to move on, he e-mails me or comes on to chat, and I’m back to square one.

We’re both in our 50s and I don’t want to be left hanging for the rest of my life, but if there is hope for this relationship I don’t want to end it now. I’d love to hear a man’s point of view on this.

Avery: The man who you’re talking online with is likely involved in multiple online relationships and you are probably right; he’s lost interest in you. I would say that meeting him would not only be a waste of time and money, but would probably hurt you emotionally. Why put yourself out there like that? He has shown you that you are no longer a priority for him and when you pull away, he pulls you back in. It’s the oldest trick in the book. Don’t fall for it any longer.

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