Dear Gwyneth Paltrow, What Are You Thinking?

Gwyneth Paltrow's new Web site '' is a bunch of self-obsessed goop.


The Scoop On Goop

Gwyneth Paltrow’s latest endeavor proves goopy

-Megan Southwick

Multipurpose hand cleaner? Graphical object-oriented programming? Glues whatever, bonds forever?

These are all the results that come up in a Google search for “goop”. But lately, you’ll find a new little morsel tucked away amidst all the industrial strength cleansing, bonding and programming products.

In a stunning mid-career move, Gwyneth Paltrow has just launched a new site called, of ALL things, She names her kids Apple and Moses, and her website Goop? WTF, Gwynnie?

Goop appears, in this earliest of incarnations, to be a lifestyle site that will be dedicated to fashion, cooking, travel and other “surprises”. Gwyneth wants us to “nourish [our] inner aspect” by perusing her site, and wants us to know just how she has achieved the marvellousness that is her life:

“My life is good because I am not passive about it. I want to nourish what is real, and I want to do it without wasting time. I love to travel, to cook, to eat, to take care of my body and mind, to work hard. I love being a mother who has to overcome my bad qualities to be a good mother. I love being in spaces that are clean and feel nice.”

Um, yeah. Honestly, Gwynnie-dear, I thought you might be a touch more well-spoken than this. Did Apple help you write this?

And, though I have loved some of her movies, and am at peace with her choice of husbands, it seems to me that Gwyneth’s life is good mostly because she was born into it. With wealthy celebrity parents, a stable life, all the silver spoons her baby mouth could ever want – truly, how hard has she had to work to achieve what she has? To this Betty, she gets to do all of the fun, nourishing stuff because she’s never had to do the hard work of living.

I could be wrong, but I feel like someone’s trying to sell me a big ol’ crapload of goop!

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