Sexing Up Halloween
Smart & sexy costumes for Halloween
If Christmas Eve is the one night Santa gets to fly, Halloween is the one night every girl gets to turn into a slut – rather, a “sexy” slut.
Pawing through the racks of my local costume shop this weekend, I found a mindless mind-blowing selection of Halloween outfits. Sexy witch. Sexy vampire. Sexy mummy. Sexy bus driver. Sexy fire hydrant. How to choose from the pornucopia of “sexy” costumes?
I say this year we don’t. Instead, let’s order some “Take Back Halloween” buttons and end all the shameless tarting up. Let’s bring back traditional Halloween values, like horrifying neighbors and terrorizing small children.
But wait, you say. Halloween is the one day society gives me a green light to dress like a street hooker. How dare you take that away from me?
Fine. If you must sex it up, please sex it up in a way that says, “I’m wearing this with feminist irony. Not because I have a smokin’ hot bod, snap.”
For inspiration, we’ve rounded up smart costume ideas that will leave friends astounded by your macabre wit. And sexiness.
“Sexy” Fallen Wall Street Tycoon: Toss on your best suit. Accessorize with Craigslist offer to trade sex for groceries.
“Sexy” Gas Station Attendant: Offer to fill up tanks for free. Watch adults of all genders throw themselves at your sexy feet.
“Sexy” John McCain: Men’s suit, bald cap, penciled in liver spots, sexy anchor wearing a Palin nametag.
“Sexy” Disney Princess: Squeeze into your daughter’s play clothes. Explain you’re liberating her from unrealistic fantasies. And also that Mommy makes a way-hot Cinderella.
Sexy Creationist: Bible, miniature Noah’s Ark, Psalm-of-the-Week undies.