What Would Debbie Do?
He Needs to Leave, But How?
I’m a 37-year-old divorced mom, with a 17-year-old son. I also have a 37-year-old boyfriend who lives with us, though he has become more like a roommate. For the past 2 years he has slept on the couch. We never have sex, we have pretty much given up on fighting, and there’s not even a friendship there anymore. We are both very depressed and just want to get on with our lives. The problem is he’s very irresponsible with money, and has not saved anything. With his willy-nilly spending, I have to cover all of the bills, so I can’t save either. I want him to go but I know if I ask him to leave he won’t have the money to do it (he doesn’t even have family who can help him out.) Also, he has two young daughters that come over every other weekend, which complicates things even further.
I know this situation is damaging to us as individuals, as it’s putting a stop to future possibilities, but I don’t know how to handle this and end it without putting him out on the streets! What should I do?
Put him out on the street.
Listen, I understand your compassionate side, but honey, you are enabling his bad behavior. By allowing him to drag you down, he gets what he wants, and he doesn’t even have to lift a finger. Enough. You are setting a very bad precedence for your son. And you’re degrading yourself in the process. Give him two weeks. And stick by it. You can do this lovingly, and with great conviction. It’s best for him, and best for you and your son. That’s what I would do.