Help, I Feel Lost

A young woman seeks guidance on how to stop feeling so lost.

What Would Debbie Do?

Help, I Feel Lost

Dear Debbie,

I’m a 19 almost 20 year old woman, and I’ve been feeling really weird lately. I used to know exactly what I wanted to accomplish in my life, and used to know exactly where my life was headed, but lately I don’t really know what I’ll do when I finish University in two years.

I am studying far away from home, and I’m feeling really depressed some days, and sometimes I wonder if being far away from my life, my friends, my family, is such a good idea.

Another thing that doesn’t help is that I really feel like I’m ready to be in a real relationship, since I haven’t had any real relationships at all, but the right guy just hasn’t appeared, and sometimes I wonder if it’s because of me. I’m a little overweight and really self conscious about it, so sometimes it just gets into my mind that if I was thinner, or if I had this or that … God it just becomes a living hell being in my mind.

I Hope you can help me.

–Thank you, Suzie

Dear Suzie,

Crossroads come at different times in our lives. Seems like you’re approaching one as you transition from teenager to young adult. While I’m not surprised that you feel aimless at this time in your life, in terms of career direction, what does concern me is your depression, and self-doubt.

I understand how you feel about not finding the right man. It’s difficult when you’re ready to be in a relationship, but things aren’t connecting. The fact that you’re stating that you’re a bit overweight suggests to me you’re not feeling your best, and I would recommend you start right there. I know when I feel that way, the only way to get out of that funk is to get outside, feel the sunshine, exercise (even if it’s walking) and take myself out of my routine. You can’t imagine how sunlight can change your attitude, motivate you to improve your habits, and just feed you the “light” you need.

But I will caution you to think that being thinner equates to being happier. Things only change when you put your mind to it, and focus on what you want, and how you’re going to achieve it. So I urge you to re-read your letter to me, see how it sounds, and begin to change your tone right away. Your thoughts are impeding your actions, and they have to shift to a higher way of thinking. Your thoughts and words have energy… shifting them to a more positive way of thinking is the only way to change. As for your career, perhaps you need to explore new avenues, travel, and get out of your rut. Your direction will be revealed when you open yourself up to new possibilities.

And one last thing … you should think long and hard about heading home. While sometimes a trip home nourishes the soul, it also can be defeating. You need to really determine whether going home is a cop out, or something that will propel you to a better place. Don’t be scared … embrace all the possibilities that are in front of you, and smile. That’s what I would do.

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