Help, I've Never Had an Orgasm

A woman seeks guidance on how to have an orgasm during sex.


Help, I’ve Never Had an Orgasm

Dear Amber: I’ve never had an orgasm during sex, what should I do?

Amber: Many women have never had an orgasm during sex, and generally speaking, it’s for one of two reasons. Reason number one: Two-thirds of women need direct clitoral stimulation in order to reach the big O. So unless the guy you’re sleeping with has an extra growth above his penis to stimulate you with, many sexual positions aren’t going to lead you to an orgasm. Your best bet is to choose a position where you’re on top and can position your hips so that your clitoris is rubbing against his lower abdomen. When you’re on top, you can also control the rhythm and the pace to be whatever feels the best for you.

Another option is to choose a position where your partner can rub your clitoris with his fingers while you’re having sex (doggy style, or any other position where he is behind you works well).

Reason number two that women don’t have orgasms during sex is because they aren’t completely comfortable with their partner. Getting off is hugely mental, and if you’re not able to relax enough and be willing to let go of yourself in front of him, you’re not going to be able to have an orgasm in front of him – no matter how good his moves may be. If the only guys you’ve slept with are ones you don’t know that well, it’s not at all surprising you haven’t been able to have an orgasm. If you’ve been in a relationship with a guy for a long time and feel totally comfortable around him, than maybe it’s a matter of dealing with your own control issues, and learning to let yourself go. No matter what the road block, learn what positions feel best for you, relax, let yourself concentrate on how good the sex feels, and the orgasm will come.

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