Help! My Friend Is Dating a Loser
You loved this article about how being on your own is better than being with someone who doesn’t deserve you, so we are bringing it back!
You all know who we’re talking about: That disrespectful, lazy, video-game-obsessed “loser” your friend, your sister – or maybe even you – are dating. We can’t stand him, but we just don’t know how to put into words that we think this fabulous woman, whose time he’s sucking away, deserves much much better.
But when you believe someone you care about is hooking up with a guy who’s unworthy of her affections, you need to proceed with caution. You don’t want to hurt your friend’s/sister’s feelings, but you have serious concerns about her future. In fact, it’s a problem that’s been known to sink friendships, or at the very least, it can make things terminally awkward at family get-togethers. In order to figure out how best to deal with this sticky situation, we talked to a few women who either know someone who’s dating a loser – or admit that they, themselves are. Here’s what they had to say.
“From the beginning, I knew my sister’s future hubby was a loser. She’s an educated, professional woman with a high-powered Wall Street career, and he always seemed to feel just fine settling into the role of being a pot-smoking, stay-at-home nothing,” Janie, 45, from Atlanta tells BettyConfidential. “I really wish I’d said something, because now it’s ten years, a wedding and two kids later, and she just seems stuck in a relationship where she does all the work – paying all the bills and doing all the household chores – and he seems perfectly content doing absolutely nothing.”
But “losers” come in many different forms – not all of them are so obviously unsuitable. For example, a woman may end up wasting time with someone who’s financially well-off but isn’t available emotionally. Cassie, a 30-year-old New Yorker, admits that she’s addicted to this type of loser. After dating Tom* for several months, she says, “I expressed my feelings for him and told him I wanted us to date exclusively. His response was, ‘Give me two weeks.’”
Not so surprisingly, two weeks went by and nothing changed. All Cassie got were continual calls or text messages at 3 a.m., because he was so “busy” that that was the only time he could see or talk to her. So why did Cassie stay with this guy? “Because I’m hoping that maybe one day he’ll see my efforts, appreciate that I’ve been right there and he’ll come around.”
Matchmaker Marla Martenson, author of Diary of a Beverly Hills Matchmaker tells BettyConfidential that in the world of dating, this behavior is all too common. “If his actions aren’t showing interest in you early on, when he’s most likely to make the effort to impress you, then chances are they won’t change later, when he’s even more likely to take your devotion for granted,” she explains.