What about your “no sex with a new guy until you’re exclusive and have had the commitment conversation” rule? Did you do this with your husband?
Yes. We were both at places in our lives where we were done with dating drama. Had we jumped into a physical relationship before our emotional intimacy had deepened, we would have screwed it up.
But let me be clear. In my year of dating between my Big Breakup and my husband, I jumped into physical relationships without having “the conversation.” However, I wasn’t serious about those guys and knew there wasn’t a future so I was fully prepared.
You say love is an unlimited resource. Do you think that’s really true for everyone – or have you just been lucky?
They say luck is what happens when opportunity and preparation meet. So while I believe love is an unlimited resource, it doesn’t matter what I believe. What matters is what each individual woman believes. If she thinks there are no good men left, she’s right. If she thinks she’s too fat, too old, or too screwed up to find love, she’s right. But wouldn’t she rather be happy than right?
Being a size 14 in a size zero city like Los Angeles, I thought my chances of finding a man who would love me for who I am were slim to none. I thought I needed to move to a smaller, simpler city. But guess what? Geography wasn’t the problem. I was the problem. And until I changed my beliefs about what was available for me, nothing would ever change. Love didn’t show up because I lost weight or won the lottery. Love showed up because I was open to it, because I believed it was possible, because I got to a place where I knew I deserved it.
Any final words of wisdom for BettyConfidential readers?
Your life isn’t over because Mr. Wrong is gone. And your chance to get love right isn’t behind you. Remember that. And give yourself permission to reinvent your fabulous future! Your quest is just beginning to answer the question, If He’s Not The One, Who is?
Carrie Seim, Betty’s L.A. Correspondent, is a writer and comedian keeping it real in L.A., New York and @ carrieseim.com.