Ever wonder what he really means? The author of the new book, Manslations, tells us what’s really going on inside the mind of a man
There’s no doubt that stand-up comic Jeff Mac’s new book, called Manslations, will be compared to that tired tome, He’s Just Not That Into You. And while there are certain similarities, Mac’s book is seriously funny-not just a regurgitation of the same one-liner over and over and over again. When I was done reading it, I found myself with a few questions for Mac, which he was gracious enough to answer via e-mail.
Women are always complaining that their boyfriends can’t psychically divine what exactly they should say, do, or buy in any given situation. What do you say to women who say they shouldn’t have to tell their partner what they need or want?
These ladies need to understand that we wish we could read their minds. Men are not shoppers – we’re not ponderers. We like to figure out the right answer and grab it. For us, that is a win. If you tell us, “Listen, if you really want to know what I’d like you to do/say/etc, I can tell you.” Ninety-nine times out of 100, the guy will be thrilled, and YOU WILL GET THAT THING.
I’m not sure how we convince these folks to just ask for what they want, but the best advice I’ve heard is something that my wife said on this subject. She said that some women need to get over the idea that getting what they want (i.e. the right gift, a compliment, reassurance, whatever) will not be diminished if they ask for it.
I believe that both genders are capable of having casual sex, but you go further, saying there’s no correlation (for men) between liking a woman and wanting to have sex with her! Explain yourself, please!
The way that male feelings are disconnected from sex is not even something that we’re 100 percent aware of in the moment. I think of it as a guy having SexBrain and EverythingElseBrain.
When a guy is under the guidance of SexBrain, he’s not really thinking in terms of what happens afterwards. Often to the supreme frustration of EverythingElseBrain who, of course, is the one who has to deal with the aftermath as SexBrain runs away laughing.
I don’t know how to say it in a way that doesn’t make us sound like awful pigs, but for us, sex and sexual fantasies are not always personal, necessarily. In the same way, some women get to a certain age and want to have children, like, NOW. Who cares with whom, she just wants to get this show on the road. Seems a little crazy, but it happens.
How come men want to have sex more often when they’re not in a relationship, and then far less often when they’re actually hooked up in a monogamous love thing?
I think that a lot of men live life in problem-solver mode. Most of us have spent every second from the age of about 12 or 13 onward looking to locate sex that we did not have access to. I think that a lot of men need to learn how to turn the act of exploring the sex that’s already available to them into an interesting challenge or “problem” to solve.
What can you say to calm down the ladies who get jealous and insecure when their partners watch porn?
As I said before, sexual fantasies are not personal. Porn is not even CLOSE to reality and most guys who have been in a relationship for more than, say, 10 minutes know that. Here’s what women need to know – it’s got nothing to do with reality. In a weird way, it’s got nothing to do with sex even. Not the sex that you have with him, anyway.
Lots of times for guys an orgasm is just about releasing tension. Porn is basically a weapons-grade fantasy that gets there quickly. In truth, I don’t really think a guy makes any connection whatsoever between porn and what’s going on in his relationship.
You advise women to have sex with a guy whenever she wants. No waiting three dates or three months or some other arbitrary time frame. Why do you think so many other advice professionals counsel women to wait to make the beast with two backs?
I think the make-him-wait approach is a misreading of a very common story that goes:
a.) We went on a date.
b.) We had sex after that first date.
c.) He disappeared into the mist, never to be heard from again.
The misreading is to think, “Ah, everything was fine until the sex, and so that’s what made him bail.” The truth of that situation is that a guy who does this was only ever interested in sex. He might not have even known that at the time, as SexBrain was in charge. Once you two had sex, EverythingElseBrain took a moment and said, “Ok, this is not a place we want to be.” And … the bail.
The truth is that this guy was NEVER going to stick around. And making him wait for sex was definitely never going to make him stick around. That’s just not how it works. You’re not that powerful that you can make a guy stay who wasn’t going to, just by refusing to bone him. And no guy has ever thought, “Well, I really liked her and wanted to sleep with her. But then, she LET me! Ugh!” Doesn’t happen that way.
What is the number one misconception that women have about men?
That there’s more going on than the obvious. Example: A guy cheats on a women repeatedly, treats her carelessly, doesn’t pay any attention to her, but then says, “Baby, that’s just how I am. You know I love you!” and she’s confused.
There is NOTHING confusing in that situation. Unless you take his words at equal value as his actions. When women are confused by their men, I’d say they should take a second and forget everything he said, and just add up his actions and then see how confused she is.
Who should buy your book? I mean, obviously everyone – but who do you feel it will help the most and why?
Well, I think you said it – everyone on the Earth really must read this book if we’re going to survive as a species.
To order a copy of Manslations, click here.