ASK REAL GUYS
Sleeping with a Selfish Lover
Dear ASK REAL GUYS: I recently started dating a man and beforehand I never had the impression that he “got around,” but I found out from his friends that he never really had a relationship before. I talked to him about it and he said that yes, he usually just sleeps around, with no commitment, but that he really likes me and wouldn’t be in the relationship if he didn’t.
We have started having sex and he goes as fast as he possibly can, and doesn’t put any effort into pleasuring me. He does not go down on me or try to get me “in the mood,” he simply expects me to pleasure him before having sex for ten minutes, max, until he gets his orgasm. I don’t know how to handle the situation, I don’t want to feel like I am forcing him to pleasure me, I want him to get off by pleasuring me. I have never dealt with a situation like this. Please advise me on how to get him to care enough about my end of things.
Avery: Your boyfriend is in a pattern and you need to try to get him out of it. The next time you start fooling around, just say to him “slow down cowboy,” and let him know that it’s your turn for a little pleasure first.
If he continues to put in ZERO effort to make you happy, you can probably assume that things aren’t going to easily change and at least in the bedroom, you’re going to be constantly on a one-way-street.
The other thing that comes to mind is maybe talking to his buddies (if you have that kind of relationship with him) to try and get them to give him the hint. It also may be the case that he just sleeps around because the other women before you dumped him for being such a lousy lover. If you suggest this to him, his ego may take a BIG hit and he may be eager to please you, just to prove you wrong! Good luck!