I Cannot Stop Thinking About Him

A woman seeks advice about how to stop thinking about a man she knows.

What Would Debbie Do?

I Can’t Stop Thinking About Another Man

Dear Debbie,

Over the past two years I have grown close with a man who is 10 years my junior. He is single, kind, and has a big heart. I am starting to feel more than friendly towards him, and I think he feels the same. The complicated part is that I’m currently married. He is just so amazing; he brought back a souvenir for me from his trip, he was thoughtful about a Christmas present he gave me, and he’s an all-around great guy. How can I tell if he’s interested in me romantically? He has expressed – in a very nonchalant way – that he cares for me, which caused me to stop breathing for a second! He has really been there for me, either by phone or in person. One time he even offered to wait on my doorstep as I was having something delivered, but I wasn’t available to wait for the drop-off. He didn’t complain once, and he didn’t ask for compensation.

He would never call me unless it was necessary, and the same goes for me, due to my relationship status. I sometimes feel that, with how close we have become as friends, he is afraid to approach me unless it’s for a valid reason. When we do communicate, I can tell that we could go on for hours if time allowed.

I have given lots of my baked goods to him, which he totally enjoys, for all the good he has done for me and my child. We have wonderful conversations, but as I said our time is short when we see each other. I feel there might be something there when we speak to each other. Unfortunately I cannot, and would not, dare to ask him.

I am just trying to get insight on this from people in similar situations. I know he wouldn’t outright tell me if there was more to our friendship, due to the fact that I am not single. He is a true gentleman. I have such feelings for him that I have never had for anyone. Problems exist in my marriage, but have for the past 20 years. I have no intentions of leaving my marriage as I don’t want to hurt anyone, and I am not one to disrupt anything in our lives. I have lived through what I have and will continue to do so. I just want to know what you know on this subject. I can’t seem to shake this feeling, I think about it all the time, ever since I first met this younger man. What signs are there to look for? Are all the signs already there?


Dear Curious,

You already know the answer to this. This man clearly has gone above and beyond the call of duty and you are feeling his attraction to you as well. My guess is that he cares for you deeply. There’s a connection between you both that seems palpable and undeniable. But that being said, you are married, and you have stated you will not leave your husband, and he seems to be respectful of your status. So unless you are willing to have an affair, there’s really nothing left for you to know other than he cares for you in a lovely way.

Many women have felt the way you have. Some of them have affairs to further explore these feelings. I don’t recommend that, as it always ends up hurting the ones you love. Enjoy this lovely friendship…it is a rarity to find a connection with someone who doesn’t ask for more. That’s what I would do.

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