“I Need a Man?”
Seeking advice from men on men
In today’s post women’s lib life, the lines of gender roles in dating have become so blurred not even Oprah has an answer for what is right. Forget splitting the check – there are far more important etiquette questions such as indicating interest, playing hard-to-get and my personal challenge, remaining flirtatiously feminine with an ankle I sprained while boxing. Sometimes I wish I could revert to second grade and just pass the guy a note. “I like you, do you like me? Check box yes or no…”
Sadly I am no longer 7. At 30, dating is full of baggage, complications and some defensive desire to remain cool and aloof. We hate games, yet everyone seems to tell us to play them. There is no knowing how much to hold back, how much information to give and how independent to remain.
I had been seeing someone and had no clue how interested he was in me NOR if I should act interested in him. If we were 7 we would have sealed our love in a backyard game of catch-and-kiss. Instead we were both overanalyzing text messages trying to decipher the hidden meaning in poor punctuation. In taking the relationship forward is ‘less more’ or is ‘more more’? And in terms of ‘the game’ are my chances of winning better if I play coy or act smitten?
Looking for answers I went out with the boys and decided to take advantage of varying male opinions over good quality scotch. “Tell me boys, when newly dating, how much love should a gal show?” I got three different viewpoints from three different men.
Angelo: If I like a girl I am in her sh** all the time. There is no way I am going to give an opportunity for another dude to get in there and take what is rightfully mine. So Juliet, trust me, if he likes you, you will be overwhelmed with attention. I am talkin’ poetry at your window, love ballads played on your voicemail, etc. Stay coy – it’s enticing and will weed out the good from the bad. You do not need to do nothing, honey. In fact, do less.
Max: Well…the poetry may indeed come, but only if the poor guy gets some buy-in. With the exception of Mr. Angelo here, many of us don’t have the mojo we once did. I mean, women can easily substitute us for a piece of plastic in their nightstand drawer! We need to know that she’s into the real deal. You don’t want to be the over eager beaver, but at least give us a hint. Not make us guess lest we guess wrong. That fragile male ego – we need cheerleaders to convince us to keep playing.
Charles: All you crazy alpha females … You go beyond coy and star in this little intimidating one-act show. “Look at me – I am in MENSA; I rock climb without a rope; I change my own energy saving light bulbs.” Are you dating, ladies, or just out to prove that you do not need a man? The men I know are not pompous jerks and frankly need more cheerleading along with that wonderful feeling that you NEED them. You do not seem to need anyone. Can’t you at least ask him to assemble a shoe rack for you?”
I was taken aback. I mean of course we don’t NEED a man. Or do we? I am lousy at assembling anything in my life and last time I tried to change a light bulb I fell off the chair and bruised my hip. I guess I need to stop pretending otherwise and let my guard down?
Read Heidi’s last blog post: “Speed Dating.”