I Feel Mistrusted

A woman seeks advice on what to do about her paranoid husband.

What Would Debbie Do?

Feeling Trapped

Dear Debbie,

My husband is accusing me of having an affair with another man. He is so paranoid that he demands that I come straight home after work. Yesterday my sister was in the ICU and I stayed at the hospital with her until 9:00 p.m., and once I arrived back home my husband was furious. What do you think I should do?

Dear Accused,

I am assuming that you are NOT having an affair and are being wrongly accused. But I have to ask you, why does your husband suspect this? Are you acting differently? Are you spending time with others that could be misconstrued? What actions are you engaging in to make your husband feel this way?

While I’m not saying it’s your fault, I am saying that most people just don’t accuse and become paranoid with no concrete reason. If, however, this is the case, and your husband just overreacts, then I think you need to calm his fears in a reasonable manner, and deal with the issues at hand. It is untenable to be in a situation where your every move is reviewed and picked apart. However, you need to assess what is making your husband feel this way, and then get to some kind of resolution that calms his fears, and allows you to move freely in your life.

That’s what I would do…


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0 thoughts on “I Feel Mistrusted

  1. I think the first thing is to try to figure out what’s wrong with the husband, not with the wife. It sounds as if he’s having anxiety problems and they’re manifesting this way.
    A woman shouldn’t always have to examine her own behavior first when it’s a man’s behavior that’s causing problems.

  2. Unfortunately its answers like these that make us women blame ourselves for everything. She is clearly stating that there is nothing on her end but its his paranoia, insecurity, and self blame for who knows what. Yet she is told to examine herself and figure out why she is giving him those signals? I am in a similar situation, when I go visit my 82 year old grandmother for an hour I am accused of having slept with other men. What did I do wrong but pay a visit to an old and lonely lady. He refuses to go with me, he can check on me or call but refuses to do so because he knows I am not cheating…yet he might be or someone hurt him bad in his past and I have to pay for it?? I thought Betty would be on the female side.

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