Is He Really Serious about Her?

A woman seeks advice about if and when she should ask her friend if they're more than friends.

ASK REAL GUYS

I Helped Him Cheat

Dear ASK REAL GUYS: I have had a male friend for five years and we did a lot of flirting in the beginning but things never took off, so we became really great friends. I have since moved to another state, but whenever I visit family there, we always meet up. He has been with his girlfriend for four years now, and they have been living together for about two years.

Last time I visited, he kept saying he wanted to kiss me, that it felt right, and that he knew I wanted it, too. I kept saying what a horrible idea this was, since we’re friends and he has a serious girlfriend. But honestly, I did want it to, because hearing him say that brought back the feelings I had when we met.

This weekend I visited, and with his girlfriend and a lot of our friends in the next room, we kissed for the first time. He kept stealing kisses all night, saying it felt right, he had always wanted it, that I was gorgeous and basically telling me what every girl wants to hear. And it escalated to the point of no return: we “hooked up” after everyone had gone to sleep.

Now, obviously, I am very confused as to where we stand. What kind of man can cheat and go back to his girlfriend? If he has really had these feelings for five years, why has he waited so long to act on them? I feel horrible that I helped him cheat, but I can’t lie and say I’m sorry it happened.

Do I bring this up? Do I ask where we stand? Do you think someone in a strong relationship can cheat like that?

Avery: It’s tough to deny the feelings that you and your friend have had for the past five years, but the situation is definitely weird. It doesn’t sound like your guy friend wants to have a real relationship with you (unless he told you this and you didn’t include this in your question), but it DOES sound like he wants to play around with you. Is it possible for him to care about you, like you and then go back to his girlfriend? Yes. Guys are easily able to compartmentalize these things. But it sounds like you are confused and your feelings will likely get hurt if this scenario continues.

I think that you should talk to your friend, ask him where he thinks his relationship with YOU is going, and then ask him about his current relationship with his girlfriend. From his answers, you’ll get a pretty good idea of where things will go and you may have some tough questions to answer yourself.


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