What Would Debbie Do?
My husband and I have been married for 20 years now, and you would think I would have most of the answers! But nope, this one is driving me crazy; I’ve talked to him about it and it’s getting worse rather than better.
Sex has always been a bit of a problem with us. Usually, I want it and he doesn’t. So, I guess he is working on that, sounds great but it’s not. His approach is worse than it was when we were 18! Am I asking too much to want some finesse or romance instead of the intense (more like goal oriented) grabbing or cuddling (feels like mauling). It really turns me off, big time. How do I start to work on this one? I don’t want to hurt him but this is driving me up the wall.
If you’ve been married for 20 years and your sex life is still turning you off, I say you’ve got a bigger problem than bad sex – you have a communication problem. Mary, I say it’s high time to sit your husband down, pour him a cocktail, and begin to tell him what matters most to you – be it in the bedroom or any other room, for that matter.
Great sex is an outcome of great intimacy that is achieved from understanding your partner and what they want. You need to tell him just what turns you on, what gets you in the mood, and what you need from him to be fulfilled. These conversations may seem intimidating, but Mary, I think you deserve to be heard and valued, in and out of the bedroom. That’s what I would do…