Is Revenge a Bad Thing?

It may feel good to get back at someone who hurt you, but does it really help? Readers share their tales of how they got even with their exes.
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Is Revenge a Bad Thing?

It may feel good to get back at someone who hurt you, but does it really help? Readers share their tales of how they got even with their exes.

-Kathryn H. Cusimano


When you’ve been wronged by an ex, it’s only natural to want to get back at him. Yet revenge is a tricky topic. It may feel good to get back at someone who’s hurt you, but things don’t always go the way you think they will – and is it really the best way to move on and get over the fool who did you wrong? Still, there is something pretty satisfying about feeling as if you’ve settled the score, at least a little bit. Here, a few of our readers tell how they exacted their revenge.

When Tanerah was living in Santa Cruz, CA, and found out that her boyfriend was cheating on her, she took cues from her favorite television show. “I used to be addicted to Sex and the City,” she says. “When I discovered that my then-boyfriend was cheating, and it turned out that I was actually – unknowingly – the ‘other woman,’ I took a lesson from Samantha and plastered signs all over town with his photo and the word ‘cheater’ above it.” While Tanerah may have taken some satisfaction from that action, she admits that not everyone was so pleased. “The other woman blamed me for the situation instead of the guy who’d duped us both,” she says.

Read Jilted Mistress Takes Out Times Square Billboard

When it comes to getting even there’s always a risk that things might not work out the way you’d planned – but if you have to go there, a little creativity can go a long way. Brettan, from San Diego, CA, actually found a way to get revenge on her ex while simultaneously deflecting unwanted male attention. “One of my favorite things to do to my ex is to give guys I meet his phone number and pretend it’s mine. Then he has to hear about it every time a guy calls to ask me out.” This worked fine for Brettan, but her ex got a little fed up. “At one point he finally broke down and emailed me to say that it made him feel bad. Well yeah, but it’s about 1/100th of how bad he made me feel,” she says.

Susan, from Boston, MA, has a revenge story made for the movies. She says things were going swimmingly with her “perfect” boyfriend – and then she got a series of text messages from a woman who said she’d been living with Susan’s boyfriend for six weeks. What was Susan’s response? “Not on my watch.” Susan invited her guy over for champagne and kept her phone nearby. “I called the ‘other woman’ and said, ‘Sit tight. You’ll be getting a call from him within the hour.’ Then he came in, full of tears and remorse.” He told Susan he wanted stay with her, but he didn’t notice that there was only one champagne glass on the table. “I let him know there was only one way that would happen and that was for him to call her in front of me, tell her he never loved her, that he used her and that I was the one he wanted to be with. Easy enough, right?” It seemed so – he grabbed the phone, called the other woman and said all the right things. Then Susan got on the line with the woman. As she explains, “The conversation went a bit like this, ‘You heard from his mouth who he wants to be with, that you were second-best and that he doesn’t want to be with you. So after I kick his pathetic ass out of my house in about 30 seconds and he comes crawling back to you, remember this conversation.’ Then I opened the champagne, poured myself a glass and held it up in a toast to ‘taking out the trash.’ Who says women can’t think clearly when emotions come into play?”

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0 thoughts on “Is Revenge a Bad Thing?

  1. Always hard if he ‘did you wrong,’ but like the article says – there are definitely more positive ways to let your anger out in ways that won’t give him the satisfaction

  2. I agree with hope_xo! Although it’s really hard to resist the urge to get even, it’s much better to focus on yourself and do something positive for you instead. They will get theirs eventually.

  3. The best revenge is moving on from the loser and being so much more happier without him. Oh, but if you know you’re gonna see him, looking the best you’ve EVER looked is amazing and enough revenge for me.

  4. As most have noted, living well is the best revenge. Showing that you can move on with class & grace is the best. (Or at least pretending to!) Don’t do anything you can get arrested for! Getting charged with property damage or assault is not a good way to feel better about yourself. *wink* There are lots of other ways to get it out of your system. I like to sing vengeance arias at the top of my lungs. That might not be for everyone, so you can crank up the Megadeath, take a kickboxing class or take it out on enemies in an online game.

  5. Susan – you’re my hero! LOL…. In the ultimate display of class, she had the presence of mind to rid herself of the two-timer while demonstrating to the other woman how she, too, was being “played” by this guy.

  6. The right thing is to move on with our lives but how about caring enough about your love ones including your kids that you will do whatever it takes for this other person to realize she is wrecking somebody’s family forever! I am looking into alienation of affection/criminal conversation lawsuit!

  7. I got my revenge, but it was in a good way. After the break up feeling very destroyed, I started writing a journal and soon discovered I had a great story to write in hopes to help others see the signs. Therefore, I wrote about my love and how he manipulater many women. My 2nd Edition is soon to come out world wide and if you feel the need please visit my site to order both books. I also write about relationships, this was the best article I have ever read and is very open to letting go.

  8. I was with a woman who was severely abusive emotionally, verbally, and physically once I signed the lease to move into our first place together. Behind closed doors she was a terror. She would deliberately wake me up when I was sleeping just to exhaust me. She would yell at me if the floor creaked. She would go insane at a red light in traffic yelling, screaming, just absolutely ape shit crazy. In public, she was a complete angel, very beautiful – you would never EVER guess that she does these things. She would throw away my food before I could eat it so I would go hungry… just straight up psychotic. But I had no way to defend myself. It was in a house we shared that I just signed a lease on. There was no way out. And when it’s women who do these psychotic behaviors, men have no defense whatsoever. We can’t defend ourselves physically because then we immediately lose the battle. We can’t defend ourselves verbally because if we raise our voice, we’re the abusive ones. We can’t cheat, because then we’re the bad guy. You can’t win ever. And here’s the worst part. She said she knew all of this. She said that if I ever told any of her friends, her family, or coworkers that she did these things to me, she would tell them that I was the abusive one and that they would believe her because that’s just how society works. Those were her words. She was fully aware of her power and what she could get away with. And she was right. Without any physical marks to indicate I was being abused and tortured by her, the only wounds that were visible were psychological and people just thought I was overworked and becoming withdrawn. They never guessed the real cause of my lowered spirits. I had no way to protect myself against her. She was truly evil. After a month the landlord noticed something was off about her and that she was seeing someone else in the neighborhood when I was at work late. Work was the safest place I could be from her abuse. I knew she could never hurt me there because I was surrounded by people who would be able to protect me. So she never came there. When the landlord told me what she was doing, I almost lost it and felt like there was no way out of this horrible trap other than suicide. However, the landlord told me there were laws where we lived that would let them take my name off the lease if the landlord and I went to a notary. So we did just that one day when she was out with one of the guys she was doing on the side. When she came home I had shipped all my things back to California and booked a flight that night to get the hell out of dodge. She came home to a house she could never afford on her own and from what I know, got stuck with a guy who was twice as abusive to her than she was to me to move in and make it affordable. Her friends learned how she was treating me through our neighbors and landlord and they told me about her fate two months later and apologized for assuming I just got up and split for no reason. Sweet, sweet, justice. Took me 3 years to recover with therapy. I was diagnosed with PTSD after the relentless torture and hidden abuse she did to me. Two years after that I met the woman of my dreams and didn’t know it feel this good being with someone who’s truly kind. The world is a good place but there are bad, very bad people in it.

  9. I have said and done a few things I regret. Do believe that doing well and looking good is the best revenge. It is better to just let them go and move on with your own life…focus on you. But it is hard if you feel really betrayed and hurt. But be the better person…I truly believe that they will learn a lesson eventually.

  10. I dunno… it felt pretty sweet to me. The only revenge that counts is being more successful than the cad who did you wrong, and I did! The idiot even rejected his only child, our daughter, who is a straight A student at Cal. Seems like his loss to me.

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